A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:If you had a mate who always bad-mouthed his ex girlfriend who has his teenage son, and always says it's because of her that he doesn't see his son. But then you were shown a neswpaper report which says, your mate years ago punched his child at 3 years old for breaking a xmas present, and was found guilty. What would you think of it all?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 May 2008):
 No one is perfect and everyone make mistakes.
To err is only human.
To judge a person because of one mistake committed years ago is unfair .
Are you guys perfect and never made any mistakes in your whole life?
What concerns us is the present and not the past.
There is nothing that can be done about what happened in the past.
If we use this yardstick to measure a person ,
then all of us will have to go to Hell!
I suppose those who judge others are like angels or saints ,
pure and unblemished or just hypocrites of the highest order.
A
male
reader, WastedLife  +, writes (7 May 2008):
Hey folks, punching kids is always out of line, but this event happened 10 years ago and none of us were there. We are relying on hearsay and an old newspaper article.
I have seen newspapers get things completely wrong, and I know folks on death row for things they never did. The guy was very wrong if it happened the way it was published, but it's ancient history, and we need to deal with the guy today.
If we never give someone the chance to reform, they never will, and that is just tragic. An ounce of compassion - and a wary eye......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): Dump them quickly and cut all ties. No reason to have a time bomb in your circle.
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A
female
reader, :):):) +, writes (7 May 2008):
I'd usually say you should be able to forgive people but in this case I dont.
People who act like this rarely change. He has commited one of the most disgusting crimes that a person possibly can.
I'd break off contact with him slowly, not even mentioning what you've read and report any abuse you hear of.
You dont need a man like this dragging you into his seedy world.
xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): It would make me seriously consider if this was a person I would want to have as a mate, in my life or around people I care about! Sorry, but how low are you as a person, to hit a three year old. It doesn't come a lot lower than that really does it!
It is feesible that he had no guts to say why he doesn't see his child, so he made up stories to make himself out to be the good guy. Another startling and remarkable character trait which you should consider. He probably lies about other stuff too, so look, learn and listen.
I could have no problem forgiving or being comfortable with someone who had done something shocking, IF, and on IF, THEY MADE THE ATTEMPTS OR SERIOUS COMMITTMENT TO FIXING WHAT THEY DO AND SAY, THAT CAUSES HARM. IF THEY HAD SOME SENSE OF REMORSE. If you haven't seen that the person after such an event hasn't done anything to alter their character or address such a disfunctional trait, then well, IS this is still the guy you call a mate.
Probably one of the hardest things to do in relationships is to bring up something which you know is uncomfortable. But when, and if this guy is commenting on crap and not owning up to his part in, or avoiding accountabilities for his part in things, then you certainly should not condone him or give him the impression you agree with how he has lived his life. He has had a lot of years to change his views on things, but still seems to find others at fault!
We share our lives with alot of differnt people, some are not as nice as others. This then becomes about your standards, ability or inability to have in your life something or someone who just doesn't seem to fit into 'nice' side of the fence.
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A
male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (6 May 2008):
First off, ask him. Show him a copy of the paper and ask him about it - his story will be different, but listen and watch his reaction to get closer to the truth. You might tell him you are not comfortable with the situation and don't want to hear about his opinion of his girlfriend.
Can you deal with his answer? The situation was over 10 years ago.
That done, is he a good friend? If so, just watch and learn - give him the benefit of the doubt. If not, get another friend.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (6 May 2008):
 This guy is the most foulest person I have ever come accross. I would never want to be friends with a guy like this.
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A
female
reader, Darkthorn +, writes (6 May 2008):
 Well i think that if your mate badmouthed his ex girlfriend then she probably acted in a nateral responce by not letting him see his son but in the end if he tried to work things out maybe she should lighten up a little and lett him se his son.Either that or he shouldf go through the courts and they would sort something out for him to get legal access over his son.
As for you mate punching his son at 3 years old i think thats bang out of order exspeccially for doing something stupid like breaking a christmas present then thats is really sinking low bassically in the end its his own fault and if he didnt act that way he would be happy and with his teenage son.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): I'd think he was a bitter douchebag who needs professional help at best, and a criminal who should be serving time for child abuse at worst. And I'd avoid him like the plague - but still report any further abuse I knew of or suspected, be it against the child or the ex.
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