A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This will be really long and complicated because I am afraid if I don't explain it right then I will get advice when people still just don't understand and I'm getting enough of that as it is.I'm 16, so is my boyfriend, it's been six months. He has been with other girls before me but it's not like he had them chasing his heels before I came along. He was my first but I had done stuff with lots of other guys before (mainly drunken...you know how it is).I love him. I never knew I could feel this way about anyone and I don't want to imagine my life without him. He says the same about me (that doesn't sound convincing but it is). He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me (I'm sorry for any older advice givers that think that's ridiculous at 16 but that's just how it is).A couple of weeks ago at a party, he tells me and one of my best friends that he really really really likes my best friend. I knew that if he hadn't met me out of our group of friends that she was more his type..but I didn't think he meant it like that. He said he thought these feelings would go away but they've been there since the first time he met her (1 month into our relationship) yet he only brings it up now. I thought ok, it can't be that serious, but no. He describes it to me, he says he thinks about her for hours, he feels like something's taken the breath out of him everytime he sees her. I thought that's how he felt about me but no, I make him happy and "warm" (WHAT? WARM?) So I say we are on a break til he gets over her.A week after this he tells me he's over her. He wants me back. He doesn't want to hurt me anymore and he won't. I don't want to break up with him. He's perfect for me. I don't understand how he could like her more than me and why he doesn't appreciate me, I'm quite a lot better looking than him too that irritates me tons he should be damn grateful!I want to torture him, cheating on him won't do it, neither will hurting him physically or emotionally because he's quite screwed up. I want to know what guys think of what he's done, whether I'm overreacting and what you'd do if you were in the same situation. I want to know what girls would do if they were in this situation, and what you would make him do to win me back.This situation kills me, I can't bear to think that he thinks that of someone that's not me. He doesn't know how to prove to me that he loves me. Whereas I don't even know that he does, at least not the same way I love him. Please someone give me some helpful advice other than "dump him".Thank you if you bothered to read this. Sorry if you thought it was going to be interesting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): Taking time away to see what happens is never a bad option. Take it a day at a time b/c the few months could come and you both realize your happier, better people not together.
-C
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to both of you. I'm going to finish it, or at least try to I don't think I'm physically capable...but what do you think about having a real proper likes few months break and then try again from scratch?
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female
reader, Minxy68 +, writes (24 March 2009):
boy what a nasty emotional situation your in. you want to know what to do to win him back. if it was me id be really pissed that he was that much into my friend, he must be in love with this girl. Ive only had my breath taken away by one man, and yep, i do love him. Honey if it was me i would run quick fast. Dont put yourself through this any more. As a woman i wouldnt let a man put me through that, you will realise that you are much better than that and there is a better man for you. Its just one of those lifes lessons.....a hard one. Do wahts right for you, and i spose for him too. Good luck i really hope you come out of this one on top.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): You are young, BUT I know that a 16 year old can feel love just as hard as a 30 year old, just a 30 year is wiser, or should be, haha!Anyway, first and foremost, before you go start thinking all negative, look at the positive to this situation, he told you how he was feeling. Instead of going behind your back and trying to do somethign with her, he told you first of his feelings and it sounds like he told you everything! Do you know how hard that was for him?? And how many people who would have NOT done that!?? A LOT!! Now I'm not saying he is right, but do appreciate that he told you, that takes a lot and it says something about him and about yalls relationship.If I were in this situation, I would end the relationship and let him find himself a little more, and in the mean time I would do the same thing. Why? Because when your truly committed to someone you don't look for other people nor crush on other people, and he probably is not ready for that type of commitment, and has not seen enough to know exactly what he wants, that's why he is swayed with his love for you....But that is my opinion. I also wouldn't focus on the negative: torturing him, making him do everything in his power to win you back, yada yada yada...if your hurt by this and it has taken your love for him back a little or your trust and your angry then just take time for yourself too. Don't do anything out of anger or negative emotions, you will always end up regretting that. -C
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (24 March 2009):
 You can't "make" him do or think anything. I for one wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't think of me as #1. Where is you pride? Sorry you don't want to hear it but here it is: DUMP HIM.
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