A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This question is regarding my girlfriends inability to have sex; we are both well legal and have been dating for 2 years. the first time we tried i neglected a condom (stupidly, though nothing happened) as it was an experiment of sorts to see if I fit okay, and despite mild uncomfort on her behalf there were no issues. When we tried again properly with a condom, again some pain, but it worked. Since then (over a year later), she has had a lot of pain before the tip of my penis even enters her. Our first thought was lube, but that didn't help and she is always extremely wet before we try. Then I tried fingering, which yielded interesting results. In the past I've fit three fingers in fine, yet sometimes two hurts too much. The pain I gather is around the lower part of vagina (excuse lack of terminology). Basically all I can think of is that mentally she is subconsciously worried about pain and probably clenches muscles. It is not pushing us to breaking point but we just want to sort this out.Thanks
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condom, fingering, muscle, my penis, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 May 2011):
 There's a psychological thing some women have where upon penetration of any kind, the muscles seize up painfully, or she could have an infection, or any number of things. Sex should never hurt, so she should see her gynecologist to see what's up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): See your doctor. There could be a harmless underlying medical condition/ skin condition.
As for satisfying each other, you should 69. Oral sex is sometimes superior at achieving orgasm than penetrative sex. Experiment with what you like to satisfy your sexual desires for the time being.
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A
female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (2 May 2011):
"Basically all I can think of is that mentally she is subconsciously worried about pain and probably clenches muscles."
This is a possibility if you've been using lube/foreplay etc, a year is a little long to still be feeling that much pain. It could be vaginismus, go and have a talk with a doctor and see what they suggest.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (2 May 2011):
 Hi there,
It appears to me that one of you is not ready to do this....and it is not you...If you are fitting 3 fingers inside your girlfriend....then unless you are an extremely large gentlemen in the penis department, I don't quite see any reason why your penis would cause so much pain....unless you are rushing things and not waiting till she is sufficiently lubricated. I tend to agree with you that it might be nervousness on her part and that she is unconciously clenching her muscles...perhaps she has some fears that you guys need to discuss...it was not such a good idea to have sex without a condom...maybe that is on her mind.
My advice would be ....before you venture into another sexual encounter with her,I suggest that you sit with her, talk to her nicely and just ask her if she has any fears or what's on her mind regarding your intimacies...let her know that you love her and make her feel as comfortable as possible.
Hope that helps
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