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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: hi all, i posted a question yesterday booty call vs feelings and got some grate replys now this bloke seems very kind an likes to please me he likes it when i say iv enjoyed something he has done for me and he makes me feel safe, something i have never felt with a bloke before, and am starting to change my feelings for him because i crave that safety. i dont hear from him every day sometimes it can be a week or more. now the problem is he has a g/f i was in a relationship myself that made me really unhappy but couldnt leave maybe its the case with him this is why im unsure. i never contact him he comes to me or ask questions about where its going, i know i should. i did say at the start that we should leave it and it took a while for me to be able to relax and be comfortable with him. now im scared because i like him and that safe feeling might not last. i dont get close to just anyone i try to protect myself and if i have someone like this in my life i dont bother with anyone else and what would be the best way to get answers without making myself look like a idiot if iv read all the signals wrong. xxx i dont know what id do without my aunts lol .. thanks again all
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, advicegem  +, writes (23 June 2009):
 I think you know what the answer is here... You're having a sexual relationship with someone who is in a "committed" relationship with someone else... it's a booty call. Now this doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for you, this is a separate matter entirely, but he apparently also has feelings for someone else.
The only way for this to work, is to confront him. You don't have to worry about feeling like an idiot, because it sounds like you have picked up the signals exactly right. You have the right to know where you stand with him.
I would start by saying that you know how this started and appreciate that he has been honest with you throughout, but during the time you have been together, your feelings have developed for him. You understand he is in a committed relationship, but you are no longer comfortable being "the other woman" due to your growing feelings, and that you either have to end it before you get hurt, or he has to be committed to you and only you. And if he has these feelings for you also, it is unfair to his current girlfriend.
Now I guess the ideal scenario here is that he breaks up with her and commits himself to you... but you just have to remember that he is currently in a relationship, and is sleeping with you on the side. I'm not saying it will happen, but you have to be aware of the possibility that if you replace the girlfriend, someone else may replace your position.
So in conclusion, be careful. But remember that I don't know you or him and he may actually be falling for you in the same way and just doesn't know how to get out of this current situation. He has more to lose than you at this point so you have to be the one to step up and make it an issue. If you really love him and think he loves you, don't pass up the opportunity to be together.
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