A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now and we are both in love and cannot live without each other. I have met my boyfriend's family twice. They live abroad, but he hasn't met mine yet. However i am planning to introduce him to my family. The only thing that made me delay to meet my family was because i was studying and also he's not Muslim. So I'm worried about my family's reaction.Lately he keeps on saying that he wants to marry me so soon and have a family and of course that is what i want. He also told me that he have spoke with his family about the marriage and they are all excited.I'm just worried what would my family would say about him and also when will he propose to me do you think?thanks
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male
reader, tenjeeuk +, writes (24 October 2011):
If you are happy to marry this non-Muslim, or even are happy to have any pre/extra marital relationship with any man, then it seems that you have been brought up with values that are at odds with Muslim values on marriage, sex, relationships. From your post, it seems that you have no religious conflict with this, your only concern is your family accepting him. Since you refer to yourself as Muslim, maybe you will allow me to ask that since in your life choices you have shown you have no fear of God, why then do you fear what your parents will say? Also, ask yourself to what extent did your parents bring you up in a westernised or traditional atmosephere? If the former then they really cannot complain, can they? If the latter, well then the question really is about you. Is there any point in ditching this guy to please your parents if inside you see nothing wrong with being in such a relationship? If you choose to stay with this guy, and your parents react "badly", will you see them as hypocrits, as people who wanted their daughter to be wetsrenised and liberal but then were shocked when she went off the scale of they expected?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): Depends on the family...they don't have to be fanatics to cause a lot of grief, or even Muslim for that matter."because i was studying and also he's not Muslim"I'll tell you a precautionary tale.I went through this many years ago, woman was from a liberal nonpracticing Muslim family, and yet on this issue there was no budging, "it cannot be", and she left me in the end. Yet, before she told me she was truly ending it she lied to me and broke her word to me under pressure from others before she left me as well. So, I get this long distance, and when I was in a place where I could not do anything about it right away or even talk to her except by phone, and of course she didn't/wouldn't call me, and wouldn't really talk when I called.She didn't have to do it this way, she could have kept her word to me that she gave me before I boarded the plane. I kept my word, and paid a big price.She didn't like the way Muslim men treated their wives, and from what I saw I can understand (although that is not universally true).Broke my heart, badly, took a long time to get over it because I truly loved her.But, I went on, years later, to meet the best person who I could hope to have met. Which, interestingly enough, was not Muslim, but had been married to a non-practicing Muslim man in the past, who beat her.So, I suppose I should thank them, and him, and I'm glad her family were such asses in the end, and he was such an ass. What happened to my ex?Many years later, she is still not married. I am and have a family, and wake up next to someone who loves me "like crazy" in her own words...and is grateful that I'm not like her first husband. It was worth price I paid to keep my word, because in the end I was repaid many times over with love and friendship and companionship of a wonderful woman who truly admired me because of the way I lived my life, and didn't judge me because of what happened beyond my control.So, what's the precautionary tale.If you give your word, keep it, don't make promises you can't keep. Broken promises that you can keep are a bitch to deal with in your life.Karma is a bitch...even if you are Muslim and not Hindu.
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