A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:In our final year of university, a girl I have grown close with from my friendship group confessed that she liked me, just a few weeks after splitting up with her boyfriend of 2 years, who is also a pretty good friend of mine. I immediately said that I would not entertain the idea and that the feeling isn't mutual.Since then, we grew closer over the last 3 months and that feeling is now reciprocated from my part, though probably not to the same extent. I have been meeting up with her recently and it has ended up in us kissing, but I feel pretty guilty as I haven't spoken to her ex (my friend) about it, even though she has told him that she likes me and says that he said he would be fine with us together if he wasn't made to feel uncomfortable, perfectly understandable. Nonetheless, I feel pretty terrible about it. I want to give it a shot with her but I don't want to hurt my friend. I told her I need to speak to him before this goes any further, and even if he says its fine I need to feel that he means it before I feel remotely comfortable. In the mean time, I'm not sure what I should do, whether I need to just stop it from going further than it is going at the moment, or whether to stop it completely until I have spoken to him.This is all ahead of a vacation where all 3 of us including some other friends are attending, where my friend will continue travelling and working abroad for the next year(s), whereas she is intending to come back a short while after me.Any kind of advice on how to handle this would be much appreciated. Do I tell her 'no, we can't do this now' and risk losing her for good? I just don't know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for responses. The conversation with my friend went well, and I now have a girlfriend. Dynamics have not changed. In reality, he said he was happy in the thought that it is someone like me, not someone who will mistreat her. He also said he had gotten used to the idea and become comfortable with it as she told him that she liked me a month or so prior.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 June 2016):
 You have made the right decision, he is your friend so just be honest with him, good luck, and let us know how you get on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice all. Sorry for not making the point clear. I have been 'putting it off' as such as my friend is away as well at the moment, and doesn't come back for a couple of days (now she is gone as well). I want to do it face to face rather than over messages as such.
I think I am going to just tell him how I feel. Even if nothing comes of it, I don't feel I can keep this to myself, out of my respect for him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 June 2016):
 I think it can work if everyone is above board and honest.
It happens.
what i wonder is why you have not contacted your friend her ex and asked his stance on it?
why wait till vacation? what are you putting off?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (10 June 2016):
What is holding you back from asking your friend about this? Look in my eyes it is a no go area, I think friends ex's should be off limits, but maybe he would genuinely be okay with it, the only way to find out is to ask him.
Sit down and talk to him, tell him that you kissed this girl and that you are sorry you never told him, tell him you have developed feelings without meaning to but that if he is uncomfortable or unhappy you won't pursue them. He might want you both to be happy, but do talk to him. I had a friend do this to me in the past, and believe me it hurts a lot.
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