A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Some background information about me:I'm 22. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me more than a year ago (yes, it's been a long time). There's a 17 year age difference between us and we were together for about 4 and a half years. We were happy together and even went overseas once. It was until a period of time when he suddenly became increasingly aloof until he broke up with me.Basically, I've never been able to forget him and truly move on. Maybe because it was my first relationship. Anyway, what I wanted to ask about was a recent happening.Last month September, (I have no idea what came over me) but I kinda got the idea into my head to pretend that I called his number by accident. Of course he didn't pick up. But the strange thing is, almost a month later, which is about now, he sent a message regarding my calls. Here's what it says:"Hope you are doing well at the moment. Sorry I did not answer your call as I think it's best I do not. I hope you have the opportunity to enjoy a normal relationship with someone of your age. Take care and all the best in your life and study. The time spent with you (especially in [our overseas trip]) will always remain in memory. Please do not contact me ok, as I do not know if I will reply your SMS or accept your call."My questions are basically focusing on: what was he thinking?1) Previously, in my 'denial' period, he stated that he was attached this year April (yes another reckless act). However, from the way the message was phrased, it doesn't seem like the case? 2) Why would he only send the message nearly a month after the calls, when even I have almost forgotten about my impulsive act? I would have thought it's much simpler to ignore all the way.3) Why would he state that he would remember the times he spent with me if he wished for me to move on?4) What about the "I do not know if I will reply..."? Isn't it easier to just say that he won't accept any form of contact? It just makes me think he's not sure of his stand as well.Am I thinking too much over his choice of words? It's just that I could think of much harsher things to say that I'm surprised by the timing and content of the message. Hope you guys can shed some light here. Thanks in advance!PS: I'm not really harbouring any hopes of reconciling, I'm just really surprised by the message.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): I'm the original poster.Thanks everyone for helping me to see through this. I agree that I am probably thinking too much. You're right in saying that if he had wanted to contact me he would have done so long ago. It's just that I somehow sense it was because of the age gap that ultimately made him decide to drop the relationship. Still, no point in forcing the impossible if he doesn't want to work for it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): He's probably aware that you're not over him and he was being polite as to show no hard feelings towards you, BUT, he wishes to have no further contact with you either I'm afraid.
I too think there's more to this situation than you're letting on.
Perhaps this ISN'T the ONLY attempt you've made at contacting him in a while, as he sounded pretty hacked off that you did contact him, and he certainly seems to get the impression you're NOT over him.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (12 October 2012):
 He feels that the relationship was inappropriate because of the age gap, or that he should feel it was inappropriate. That is why he said have a 'normal' relationship with someone your own age. I don't know, and you can't know, whether he loves/loved you and is doing this because he thinks it would be the best for you, or whether he just lost taste for the relationship and has moved on.
I suspect you have some hope of resurrection of this. The hope is understandable, because he certainly sounds like he might just be waiting for you to say 'what do you mean normal relationship? I had a wonderful relationship with you, just as normal as any other, only more special ...' etc. I suppose you have nothing to lose to tell him that. But he will probably not answer.
Truly, best option would be to move on, even though I agree with you that his message did leave a door a tiny bit open.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 Questions:
“what was he thinking” he was thinking to be polite in asking you to leave him alone
Now:
1. Whether he is attached or not has NO BEARING on the fact that HE DOES NOT WISH YOU TO CONTACT HIM.
2. He sent the message after he worked on the POLITE WAY TO TELL YOU NOT TO CONTACT HIM ANY MORE. It probably took him that long to figure out how to phase it nicely without sounding mean….
3. He is trying to be polite and end this on a positive note… he probably does have good memories and as a mature adult can relegate them to the back of his mind as just that MEMORIES
4. His comment “I do not know” is meant to soften the blow… would you really want a text that said “leave me alone” vs… “I think fondly of you in memories but IT’S OVER”
You are very much overthinking this… if you are not harboring hopes of reconciliation why do you care what he meant?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 October 2012):
 I think you ARE hoping for a reconciliation. He made it very clear that your relationship is over. He was perhaps just too polite. Do not contact him again. Force yourself to keep moving in the opposite direction. You will get over this if you concentrate on keeping him as far out of your thoughts as you can.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (11 October 2012):
 I think you are reading too much into it. You want it to mean more so you pick apart every piece of the message, we have all been there. When I read it I read someone who is very much over the relationship and wants nothing to do with you. I'm sorry it sounds harsh. Men are very straightforward though. If he wanted to be speaking to you then he would be, saying he doesn't want you to message him isn't secret code for "please message me". We can't say why exactly he sent it a month later, maybe he was afraid you would continue to call him if he simply ignored it. Maybe he has a new lady in his life that forced him to prove he has ended all contact with you. Who knows? But in any case he's done and you need to continue to move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): I am sorry but there is nothing to read into this. He has moved on and does not want you contacting him anymore. He probably waited a while before responding so as he did not give you false hope. Everything there leads one to believe the relationship is over. He is being cold and firm so as not to give you any hope. Time for you to move on too.
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