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female
,
anonymous
writes: Am I reading into things too much with my b/f of a year? We were laying down and going to be getting ready for the day--and he goes to take his shower and has his cell in his hand and said 'are you done in here for a little while?'--i guess meaning, he will take his shower now---but he brings his cell with him in the shower, places it down by his clothes and closes the door, since I didnt need to go in there. He puts the shower on---and I walk in just like a minute later pretending I needed something and he wasn't in the shower--he was standing there--he did have the soap box or something in his hand and put it near his clothes asking how I got it wet, but his cell wasn't in the same position as it was originally..and since he was standing right there--when I opened the door, I felt his hand kind of holding it back and I don't know if it was b/c he was putting his cell down and didn't want me to see or b/c he didn't want to get hit with the door. I don't really know how close he was to the door but I guess it could have hit him. I didn't open it fast, and I said "are you using your phone?" and he shows me his phone saying "see no calls"--and I said it's weird--and he said he always did this--which wasnt true--only a few times. I said "fine, then keep the door open if you want your phone in there" and he said OK. But can I use the bathroom first? He was kind of angry. A minute later I knock on the door and he opens and he says "Jesus! Can I wipe my a**"? even though looking at the toilet--there was nothing there where he had to do that if you know what I mean (sorry for the gross info). I wanted to give you the details. I told him straight out--if you want the phone in there b/c maybe you dont want me going through which I agreed not to do a while---leave the door open.The same thing happened 2 weeks ago--he brought his phone with him in the shower and although I know he can't be talking to someone b/c you can hear everything in that bathroom--he could be texting.Is this unlikely, seeing as though the person may not respond until like 50 minutes later when I am with him?One guy said it's very suspicious and another said no..and one g/f said she thinks it's weird but wouldn't connect it to cheating--so I dont know what to think lolShould I be worried he is texting another girl or cheating?? Or that's kind of paranoid seeing as though she can respond at any time, for example when I am with him?
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (15 July 2006):
 Wow. YOu have some serious trust issues!
This guy can't even take a dump without you checking up on him. If you feel this insecure in the first place then you need to work out if you really want to continue on with him 'cos eventually he will dump you for your lack of trust. If you want to be with him then go get some counselling/help to deal with your trust issues.
IF he IS doing something that he shouldn't then you will ahve to deal with it when you find out for real. But reading stuff into situations that cannot be construed as even remotely 'adulterous' is a sure way to lose your fella.
A
female
reader, jezibelinhell +, writes (14 July 2006):
 If my partner insisted that I shower with the door open due to lack of trust...I'd be outta there so fast his head would be spinning. And I wouldn't look back. And I take my cell phone in the bathroom all the time. I've never even thought about cheating.
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (11 July 2006):
 Out of that list the best thing you can do is listen to your gut feeling. You are in the relationship none of your friends, and none of us are, you see the change in behavior patterns we don't.
There is a reason why people say 'I should have listened to my gut feeling'. Listen to what your 'gut', for it is your sub-conscience telling you something is not right.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (10 July 2006):
 Without knowing any of the history, I'd say you're reading into it too much. You did say he did this kind of thing in the past, just not often.
Relax about it unless you have stronger evidence like some of the things on that list!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): Hi--its me who posted the question--while some of those are good signs..they are also hard signs to tell when you do not live with the person and are not married and who do not see each other every day.
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127 +, writes (10 July 2006):
Some of these signs of cheating are "tongue in cheek" while others are tell-tale signs that commonly appear with a partner.
Just a few might be nothing but if this list gives you too many red flags then you're not paranoid.
1) You find birth-control in his medicine cabinet, and you've had a historectomy.
2) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible girlfriend you are.)
3) Your cheating partner stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.
4) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.
5) He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.
6) He joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.
7) He buys a cell phone and doesn't let you know.
8) He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.
9) The cheating partner carries condoms, and you are on the pill.
10) Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.
11) Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.
12) He becomes "accusatory," asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.
13) Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"
14) He buys himself new underwear.
15) He insists the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.
16) The cheating spouse stops wearing their wedding ring.
17) Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.
18) Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his neck or back.
19) Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.
20) He fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.
21) He suddenly wants more sex, more often.
22) Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.
23) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.
24) You find out by accident he took vacation day or personal time off from work - but supposedly worked on those days.
25) Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.
26) Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.
27) Has a sudden preoccupation with his appearance.
28) Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer/phone, especially after you have gone to bed.
29) He says he is not hungry a lot because he just ate at his mistress's house.
30) Your partner is away from home, either nights or on trips, more than previously.
31) His clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume. You see lipstick on your husband's shirt.
32) The amount of money being deposited into your checking account drops off.
33) You find items of intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that you did not give your spouse.
34) Your partner seems less comfortable around you and is "touchy" and easily moved to anger.
35) You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.
36) He loses attention in the activities in the home.
37) Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.
38) He has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the
home.
39) He uses a low voice or whisper on the phone or hangs up quickly.
40) He has a "glow" about him.
41) Atypical erratic behavior.
42) He sneaks out of the house.
43) He sleeps with his cellphone by the bed
44) He goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later.
45) He tells you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.
46) The telltale signs of a cheating partner? Having to ask that question in the first place
Good Luck!!!
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