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female
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*izzanny
writes: Is my relationship worth trying to save?Him and I have been together for a little over 2 years now and we have lived together for about a year and a half (and have been engaged for that duration). When we got together, things were entirely different. He treated me like I was the focus of his world. I understand that things like that change in time, but I had no idea it would come to this. About six months into our relationship, his intranet project at work went live. This added an immense amount of stress on him, and slowly but surely he came to take it out on me. Things have slowly disintegrated since. At this point, he is always nasty with me when he comes home from work. Also, he has a tendancy to yell at me and name call about everything. He has driven me into a bad place emotionally where I admit I've drunk too much and bad things ensued.I've tried everything I can think of. He is unresponsive when I try to communicate. I attempted to freeze him out where he just retreats into his own world for awhile and then when he's over it, he treats me as if it never happened and then gets angry when I inform him that I'm not. I've tried yelling back, going somewhere else, and even going to his family for inspiration when things were intensly bad.I would really like to keep this together, but I can't let my emotions for him cloud my judgement. Is it worth the work?
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (10 July 2006):
 There are couples that are married for 10, 20, 30 years and the spark and love is still alive. It is a lie that love and tenderness fades over time.
What you have described is a typical abuse cycle, it's starts with love and flowers and goes downhill after that. There will be moments where he will seem to be the old boyfriend but then it will get worse. The only way to make it stop is the one abusing has to choose to change, go to counselling. Most abusers will not change as long as the abused is with them. Some do change but it is usually after a wake-up call and the one they think they love leaves because of their abusive behavior.
To stick it out I can guarantee it will only get worse. If you leave he might have a chance and become the person he can be.
Either way you might want to look into the national domestic abuse hot-line to get some support while you go through this. http://www.ndvh.org/
Good Luck!!!
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