A
female
age
51-59,
*uvlorn
writes:WHAT HAPPENED LAST NITE???I have posted 3 other Q's re: this ongoing relationship problem... see those if you want to be filled in... it's a doozie, LOL!So, my man of over 2 years who can't seem to commit yet says it's not me, but his being "broken" (yet doesn't know what's wrong or how to fix it) and feels tortured by dragging me on n on broke it off w/ me "for good" over a week ago... then when we met to do the "exchange" of possessions YOU can guess what happened."Kiss me"... "NO"... "Give me a hug"... "Just get my stuff so I can go, please"... "You look beautiful"... "I want to go, just keep the stuff"... "No, please, stay- let's talk"... "about what? has anything changed? anything new to add?"... "just kiss me..." "NO!!!"... "Kiss me and then I'll tell you"... *sigh*... kissing... a LITTLE talking, more kissing, accusations of just being horny... looks w/ puppy dog eyes... tears... admissions of confusion, apologies for hurt, unanswered questions... and 6 hrs later... sex. After he didn't turn cold like he gota need met and was back to wanting out, rather, held me and talked more and promised to think and work, and I said I was open but guarded and he asked me to relax... Aaarrggh!SO... why do I feel like a yo-yo? I was strong, but became weak... he got me. I don't think he just sexually used me, as his eyes can't lie and he's confused. He did NOT wanted to come back though, either... just that he is still thinking and trying to work it out and admitted how good we are. Even called my cell, my house, my work and left VM's and texted me after we parted and I didn't reply until this evening, 10 hrs. later... then he seemed distant again.I know, I should RUN, find a man who can commit consistently... BUT... hey folks, I LOVE him... and I'm no kid, I've been around the block and know love and matching, and although imperfect he is IT for me- he's the most potential ever, aside from the commitment issue all else is sheer bliss... SO... what was last night about? WHY was I there if he broke up w/ me? WHY do that to me??? Hadn't cried in days, then it's an open wound all over again. (Accused him of enjoying hurting me and HE was hurt by that- says he is just so confused and doesn't know WHY). SO... now I told him I am weirded out and can't talk right now. I am staying away, at least for a few days. I sent him some helps (things to read) re: his issue and he actually thanked me and promised to read and think and work. But I am scared and backing up as I cannot keep being the yo yo. Still planning on inviting him on the surprise trip over Labor Day w/ message that he only show if he wants me- all of me and can verbalize that once and for all.I know... I sound totally pathetic, but until you're there you can't know the trap, and I believe he loves me and I know I love him and if if IF it could be amazing, and most of it already is. Aaarrgh!SO... what now???
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (23 August 2007):
 Hi there,
I don't know exactly what went on that night, but I do know one thing..... you're back to where you started!!
Still confused, still flogging a dead horse, and stll feelig s**t about it!
I have to agree with the previous post, he is using you to boost his ego. Stop having sex with him, as unresistible as he may be, he's messing with your head and your allowing him to do it. Give him his gear back, tell him to make his mind up and not to come back till he has!
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): He is addicted to feeling the power he has over you. He is intoxicated by his own utterly irresistable charm. He can be as cruel as he likes yet you can not turn him down. Oh goodness, I think I imagine his trousers bursting with lust and pride at his own achievement. He thinks what a lucky girl you are "She just can't say no to me" he tells his friends.
You are also addicted to this roller coaster ride. Down to the depths of despair......he massages your ego up, stares into your eyes, almost gets on a white charger except he does not have one.....pins you to the ground and ravishes you after you say "No, no, no!!!" You have a heaving bosom, he is the hero, you are the princess. Battle won he feels a little flat...retreats to see whether he can wind your little winder and do it again.
I hope you don't think I am being sarcastic, I am trying to make you laugh so that you can see what is happening here. I can't help thinking you will be doing this for a while longer. Perhaps he will start seeing someone else and flaunting her to you soon. That would be taking it up a peg. You will stop all this when you are truly tired of it and see what it is about, and not before. Have a good life, I do mean it.
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