A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have this situation where I started to see someone who was married. She and I got along great and she kept telling me she was getting a divorce. She told me that she was in love with me after a couple of months, but the separation never came.I never demanded it. I just kept asking if it would ever happen. She kept promising me that she was in love with me and wanted the relationship. She even told him that she wanted a divorce. He talked about moving out, etc. Well, that was a month and half ago.I really didn't feel like it would come so i texted to her since I couldn't talk on the phone what I felt. I told her to go ahead and get things straight in her life first. I needed some time to fix a few things in my life as well. I backed way off and disappeared for a few days.When she did call and text me she was almost cold to me. She removed the words "i miss you" and "i love you" from any of her conversations. This shouldn't be an issue, but she used to say it all the time.Well, this week on Tuesday I asked her what she wanted from this situation between us. She said "I don't know. We have alot to talk about" and left it at that. She stopped texting me completely (that is a shock to a system, male or female, when it is a daily occurance!! lol). After our conversation, I texted her and told her to figure out what she wanted. Give this all some space. I told her this was goodbye for now and said when or if she was ready to talk to get ahold of me.I didn't phone, didn't text, didn't try to see her. I just did my own thing and went out with friends after work, watched movies, enjoyed some alone time.The next day she texts to ask about cookies she ordered from my daughter. I didn't respond. She tried calling me as soon as I got out of work. I ignored it. On Friday, I wake up to find two txts.. one saying "i just wanted you to know that I am moving out and getting a place of my own. Hope you are doing good". then the next one "I understand you don't want to talk to me. I will lose your number. Hope you are doing good". I texted and said that i was justing giving her space and time. I told i would wait for her to talk to me before I contact her. She calls me like an hour later and tells me her separation plans. I said I do miss you and she says i know. i miss you too but I need to get a few things in my life straight. She asks me what I have been doing, and I told her was having fun, no info beyond that. I told her that she needs some time to herself to have fun because of being in a deadend marriage. She tells me "I'm not having the fun you think i am. It's not about that".Last night i go out and she texts me "I'm wasted" but it was more like "i waisthd" lol. I didn't respond. Just enjoyed my time out.What my question is, what was her purpose in telling me about her plans to move out, what is it that she wants, and do you think she still wants or thinks of me? I know I can't go back to her right now even if I wanted to because I don't feel she knows what she wants right now either.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, so she has left her husband. She is finding a place of her own. She admitted to me that she felt guilty over some things and that is why she stopped talking to me and made only small talk when she did. But the word "love" and "i miss you" is not part of our conversations now.I can only be a sort of moral support. She may not know if she wants to be with me, but she changed her number 2 times in the past week and made sure that I knew it each time.She asked me a strange question too about if she moves, would I be willing to do the same, with her. I told her maybe in time, but I am not sure about right now.I'm not sure where we stand, but I am still going to stick with going on with my life until she figures out where "she" stands. There is only so much I can help her with. I know going through a divorce impacts a person emotionally, since I went through one myself. I didn't know what to feel when all of that comfort was taking from me and I was facing the unknown.So, should I just be supportive and a friend for now and date others or stick it out talking to her through this in hopes of getting back together? Something about this girl really makes me want to try my hardest to help but another part wants to walk away for awhile. I am in love with her, no doubt, but I don't want to be led on either as a "kickstand" to her breaking away from her "training wheels" (comfortable life). Any helpful advice is needed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): Yes, she most definitely is thinking of you. It sounds to me that she is really wondering why you aren't caving in and contacting her as much. She is missing you, and she's feeling sad about this. She's seeing you as a stronger more determined man and let's hope, she will respect you for holding your ground, like this. If she is in the middle of getting that divorce, then you may be better if you can just stay away for a bit longer. She really needs to get her personal life (sans you) in order, dump some of this baggage..she can come back to you a renewed, stronger person. And one, that will respect you fully, for your own strengths and determination. Until she get's her own life in order,you should stick to the plan of getting on with your own life. She needs to disengage herself from this marriage and show some motivation in that direction. You don't have to completely ignore her though. Just a bi-weekly call will do, to keeping updated on her process. Believe me, if she is loving you, she will do anything to get that divorce and be with you. So now, let her get on with it and prove to you...she is indeed, is going to 'walk the walk', here.
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A
male
reader, Ricky1989  +, writes (14 March 2009):
mate, im saying this as a fellow man....she seems pretty messed up. it seems like shes left her husband just because she wants to rather then because she wants to be with you.
personally to me she seems like "damaged goods" (and yes I know im gonna get rinsed for saying this by some other people) but the best thing you can do is just walk away and get on with your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): Know where you are comming from. I'm in the same situation, been with my married guy going on 1yr. I've heared the same thing. Last nite we had plans for dinner, he had left the night before pretty mad at me cuz I told him I just wished he would stay. He hates it when I say that. So I dropped in at his work just to see if we was still gonna have dinner.(Its a small town motorcycle shop) he didn't even acknowledge I was there(never before has he made me feel so cheap) didn't call until later that nite said he just wanted to be alone to nite, there wouldn't be anyone at home just wanted to be alone. Thank-you for your post I think I can give him all the alone time he needs now. If its rent for us to be together just in your case then it will come back right? I'm 41 not getting anywhere waiting at home by myself right?
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