A
female
age
51-59,
*ooty70
writes:Hello, I was wondering if anyone had some insight into what type of personality or type of men I am dealing with in my life.My husband has cheated on me behind my back for 5 years with other women. When confronted by me about it he verbally abused me, called me a man-hater, said I was aggressive. He likes to flirt with other women, but I suspect really he doesnt respect them at all.When I told his father about what his son had done, his father said that I wasnt the only woman to have been hurt, and made verbal slurs about my family saying my parents were cheaters (not that they are), blamed my brothers for being at loggerheads at my wedding, which they werent, and told me not to disrespect his son in front of his grandchildren (my children), also said I have a problem and a chip on my shoulder. Not once did he castigate his son for his behaviour or for hurting me with his infidelity or show any form of empathy except to attack my family. When this verbal attack was going on by his father I asked my husband to tell him to stop it, but he wouldnt, he joined in with his father yelling at me. His wife (m-i-law), stood in the background and just listened.I have come to the conclusion that my husband and father-in-law have no respect for women, expect a woman to be kept in her place and when they are confronted by a woman for their bad behaviour (eg cheating and keeping secrets), they look to blame their wife and wont admit their own failings.Does anyone have any insight into the type of men who treat a women this way and when they are exposed, they challenge the wife and verbally abuse her.Even they like to flirt and cheat do they really secretly hate women? Are they cowards?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2011):
You pretty much summed this one up yourself to be honest.
Your husband is a cheat, a liar and he verbally abuses you and blames you. You appear to have taken it somewhat (you don't say you've left).
His father is also an abuser (and I'm willing to bet a cheat somewhere along the line), and his wife stood there whilst you were being abused.
This isn't necessarily about hating women. This is about power. Your father-in-law chose a woman he could control, and knew would never fight back or stand up for herself. She was probably selected very carefully, and deep down is either miserable or in denial. Your father-in-law has total domination over that woman.
Tragically, it's washed on to his own son, who is a pathetic embarrassment at best. I'm afraid you'll find that you were also selected by him in the same way. I'll bet that you're a lovely lady who's put him and your kids first all the time. I'll bet you've done everything for him from the moment you fell in love with him. You were chosen because you are nice.
There is one thing now that you have to understand - this man will not change. And on the basis of that, I would recommend that you leave this man and his dreadful father well behind. Do not remain in this marriage, or your own kids might turn out like them.
And yes, they are cowards. A man who can't look after his family and can't admit his own failings is a total coward who has no place anywhere other than life's bin.
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (30 September 2011):
 HI
Firstly I hope your concidering leaving this male shovenist pig?? He has clearly been brought up by his fathers standards of women should be treated like doormats!!! Im sure there was a day when womens rights came in to account? that we should all be treated as equals? and that means showing respect , integrity, compassion, loyalty , truat etc etc, this man shows you none of these qualities!!!! and NEVER will, his father has made sureof this by brainwashing him his entire life, he will never change as its set in stone. Lets just imagine for a moment if you will is this the happy married life you always dreamed of having? is this how you want your children to grow up believing that its OK to treat eachother this way? and that it's safe normal and natural to sleep with lots of different partners then come home to sleep with your wife/husband not knowing what you might sexualy pass on to them?? if your answers were NO then your finally seeing the true light. There is so much more for you in this life that you and your children deserve, a happy loving, caring home for starters, the best present you can give your children that costs nothing but your pride, is to stand up for yourself and what you beleive in, pack your things and leave this pathetic excuse of a man, so thatyour children have a real chace in life ( not turning out like him) now maybe your thinking WOW thats harsh? but maybe these are the things you have been telling yourself fora long time, but needed someone else to confirm it? maybe your freinds and family have been a little scared to be as harsh because they dont want to upset you even more? either way the truth is YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS!!!!!!!!
I trully hope you find the strength to be who you always dreamed of being, and end up where you always dreamed of living or working, rather than continuing dreaming and watching everyone else catch there dreams instead.
blessings Mandy xxx
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