A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I kissed a man at a conference a week ago... I've been married for 7 years. My sex drive is WAY higher than my husband and this has been a struggle our whole marriage. Every four to eight weeks on average... And nothing while I was pregnant. I can't take it anymore, when someone else actually wanted me it felt amazing... I stopped it at a kiss but I wanted much more.I feel like a horrible person. I love him but I don't think we are comparable. I've been waiting for things to change but I'm not seeing him make an effort.How do I tell him... He's been away for work and I'm seeing him tonight. What would you do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): My wife kissed another man, and told me five years after the fact because the guy was divorcing his wife (after an affair) and my wife thought the kiss might be revealed. I have found it very difficult to deal with. I am fairly confident that it didn't go any further than a kiss, but it still haunts me. It's been a year since she told me, and she has no idea it still bothers me.
So, if it was just a kiss, don't tell him. But do work on talking to him about feeling unwanted. That's what my wife says the problem was, but I had no idea.
kk
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): 1- No don't tell him for Gods sake. This will only cause too much trouble and will not serve any purpose. so don't tell.
2- nobody would blame you for being frustrated by your husbands lack of sex drive. the frequency of your love making is definitly very low for a couple married for 7 years. But you should find why he is not interested in love making.e.g Has he been like this from the begining or this has happened lately? bcause if it is a lately thing, then there must be a reason such as a health problem, stress at work,money problem,unhappy about something at home, have you neglected your looks,perhaps put on weight, another woman..etc. try to find out the reason and help. but don't tell about the kiss cause it will only make things worse.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): I would not sweat the kiss, just don't do it again. It was just a kiss after all.
You HAVE to talk to your husband about this. How can you possibly expect him to know these things if you don't tell him when you are having problems? He isn't a freaking mind reader, anymore than you are.
Communication is key.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2011):
You will get a variety of answers, depending on how people feel about it and what cheating means to them. Some might say you've too much to lose by telling. Others will say tell because he deserves to know or whatever.
Looking at this situation, as it is, I personally think you should tell him. It is very true that you are putting your marriage on the line, but given that it seems to be rapidly heading downhill, perhaps this is the moment to make a real decision about where this is going. Is this marriage something that you want to be apart of, in which case you have to come clean, tell the truth, and start fixing it. Or is this marriage over for you, in which case tell him and end it.
I also believe that you need to tell him, because in the end he has to be the one to decide whether he wants to continue this marriage. If you have any respect for this man, or love him, then the right thing to do is give him the choice as to whether this marriage is dead, or whether he really wants to make a go of it with you.
Whatever happens, you have to give him the choice to decide what he wants. If you can't do that, then this isn't a marriage - it's just a lie. And if it's a lie, then there's no point in living in it.
Bite the bullet, tell him that you've kissed another man and that it was a mistake. Tell him that you desperately want to continue with the marriage and that you'll let him decide whether he wants to. Then you can start to make changes and you can explain that he needs to make them too (thought that will now take more time.)
On the other hand, if you feel that this marriage is dead, tell him what happened and end it yourself.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (30 September 2011):
You say it felt amazing to felt wanted... You feel unwanted, because your husband has a lower sex drive than you. The way you deal with this is better communication.I don't think it means you are not compatible. It means you need to both find better ways whereby you can feel wanted and loved, without having 'full' sex.Perhaps this kiss will be something that will help push your relationship in a better direction. Talk talk talk until you can find a way to move on with each other, it is how relationships work.
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