A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In September 2010 my best friend told me about a guy she had met through her boyfriend who is in the army and stationed in Texas. She lives in Iowa and I live in South Carolina. She told him about me and vice versa. We got each others phone numbers and talked on the phone for hours at a time. We hit it off right from the start,the only problem was a week after we started talking he was deployed to Iraq. I am separated with 2 kids and he was waiting for his divorce to be finalized and they have 2 kids. The night he was set to deploy my daughter was put in the hospital for an unknown infection and that whole time he could have been calling his family before deploying he called me constantly all the way up to the time he got on the plane. I couldn't believe that i was the one he wanted to be talking to before he left. He took my heart right there. For the next 9 months we corresponded through phone and,e-mail,webcam, and ims. I even sent him big care packages. One just necessity items, another for snackies. One for Christmas, his birthday, then Valentines Day.We actually talked to each other everyday in one form or another. In this time we had dropped the "L" word to each other and started talking about plans when he returned. In Juneon his IM he wrote he loved a girl by a different name. It through me for a loop and broke my heart. It wasnt until almost August I heard from him again. And by this time I was. 8 months pregnant because I had a drunken one night stand with my soon to be ex husband in december. I found out I was pregnant in May andwas trying to figure out how I was gonna tell him before we stopped talking.Now it is September and he's back in the states and called and told me he loved me and he hated not talking to me. And he had something he needed to talk to me about. One week after he returned from Iraq he drunk slept with this girl and now she says she's pregnant. Should we just stay friends and say no to our idea of building a relationship because there are so many issues? I know this is a long story but its very complicated. Somebody please set me straight!!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 October 2011):
 No need to thank me its my pleasure. Well it sounds to me like you are the person that is going to be doing all the sacrifices. It sounds like he is trying to black mail you in to moving by saying that you where just leading him on. He is moving there to be near his children which is understandable but ask him how he would feel if his ex moved half way across the country and took his children away from him. That's what you would be doing to your ex. He needs to meet you in the middle somewhere. It is not fair on you, him expecting you just to drop your life and move to him. You need to again talk to him about that and tell him its unfair of him to ask that of you. Tell him he needs to also make some sacrifices as well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNow he says he wants me to move to Washington where he is from because that's where his children are. But I don't think its fair that I take my children away from their father because remember in in South Carolina. That's literally across country. I tried to say that maybe we could move somewhere new and we could start fresh together. He said no because he was going to Wahongton to be near his children. Why is there no sacrifice from him? He says I shouldn't worry about my ex seeing the kids because he doesn't help me enough. That bothers me because even if my ex is an idiot most of the time he is still my children's father and I would never keep them from him. He said that if I didn't move over there then I was just leading him on this whole time. Is it stupid that I feel like im the only one who would be sacrificing by moving across the country? I know we need to talk but I want him to have as much time with his kids as possible and he leaves today to go to Washington for a month. I told him I would just talk to him in a month. I just want to again say thank you for your continued opinions, they are really making me think long and hard.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (1 October 2011):
It really is hard to say if he is being serious or not. Off course you have the right to be upset. I know you also made a mistake but still he wrote it up that he loved another woman so off course this is going to hurt you. I think you and he need to have a long talk and see what you both want. It could be a case that you are lonely, but to me it does sound like you truly have deep feelings for him. So I think the best way forward now is to communicate with each other and be clear on the boundaries and what you want from each other.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you aunt honesty for your help. When I asked him about this other woman he said he was confused and thought that I didn't really love him the way I claimed. I talked to my mother about it and she said she thought maybe he did it in purpose trying to make me jealous. And yes I will admit that it did, but it hurt me more. He said that he didn't think I would stop talking to him altogether. But I really don't think he thought it would affect me the way it did. I cried almost every night I went to sleep, when I could sleep that is. I was constantly worried and stayed glued to the tv to hear about any news from Iraq. When we did start talking again it was like a huge burden had been lifted off of my shoulders. I just wonder now if I have the right to be upset with him when I did the same thing months earlier. I really feel like I have a special connection with him or is it maybe that I just miss having someone say they miss and love me. Maybe im just lonely and don't know what I want right now. I just worry because I have trust issues and the fact that he was with someone no more than a week after he was back makes me wonder if he's not just a sweet talker anson falling right into a heartbreaking trap. I get excited to think about aha could happen between us but at the same time im scared im just too trusting and will regret something. Thank you again for your input. It is truly appreciated.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (30 September 2011):
Well you don't really explain why he said that he loved the other woman and who she was. Did he explain himself? Was he in love with this other woman? I guess you need to think long and hard about it and ask yourself if you are wanting to be in a relationship with him, if the answer is yes well then am sure the both of you can work through these issues one by one, off course it will be hard, but if the both of you want it enough then it may very well be worth it. But you need to make sure that you can trust this man and that he won't break your heart again.
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