A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling a little "uneasy" and was looking for some feedback. My fiance over the past few weeks has been coming home and propping himself up in the living room where I cannot see the computer screen (which takes effort on his part) and looking at porn, while I am in the room. He will sit there for up to two hours looking like a zombie and I can't distract him for anything. I know he is looking at porn without having to snoop, I'm not stupid and I know a change in habits. Since I am sitting there, or generally around he is not using it to "get off" or at least not at that moment. I really don't like that he is "hiding" this in "front" of me like its a turn on to maybe get caught or is is outright disrespectful? strange if you ask me. What has changed also is a recent increase in his sex drive, a more aggressive approach and "new" more kinky things requested. I also worry about changes in behavior and worry at this point he's taking it a bit to far (i.e) we had sex 4 times the other day and he came right home the next day and was looking at porn and wanting sex again right away. I'm pretty sure I can't keep up with this forever...(I am not a teenager!)So, I want to talk to him about it, and I will I just don't want to embarrass him or get into a fight about it or discourage him from wanting to explore... but the whole thing seems odd. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): I think you are right to be concerned. His sex habits have changed. It isn't just that he wants it more, it's that it is too aggressive for you, and if you are sensing that the type of sex he wants has less to do with you and more to do with porn, then that's a problem.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): I don't mean to downplay your problem, but I wish my guy wanted sex 4 times in one day! I'm lucky if I get sex 4 times in one year! I think he might be really stressed out from his job. Look at it this way, at least watching porn, he still wants to have sex with YOU, not do it alone. Men really do get off on porn, its the visual thing. I doubt if he'll be able to keep up this pace, so try and enjoy it if you can, I mean, as long as he's not violent and hurting you...or anything like that. Just keep the communication lines open and hopefully he'll open up to you..obviously something is going on, but you can't force someone to talk when they aren't ready.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): Nothing different that I can think of - but he is not one to talk much about his feelings related to stress.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): PS: Is he having stress at work, have you noticed any other changes in him. People can often use pornography and sex to release stress or hide away from emotions or situations that are bothering them. Does he have money problems, is there things that could be causing him to want to concentrate on sex so much? How is your relationship apart from this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): He seems to be using porn in the manner that it's made for. He gets a turn on knowing your watching him looking at it, and he gets new ideas about what you and he can do in bed. Watching people having sex is turning him on, but he doesn't masturbate, he saves all that passion for you. Probably you could (if it doesn't disgust you) look over his shoulder and see what he is watching. It will probably push up your sex drive and then you will be able to keep up with him. Looking at porn rarely results in addiction, that's just stupid. People who have a drink are not all alcoholics, and people that eat don't all become obese. You could ask him to masturbate sometimes if your not in the mood, hopefully this will slow him down. You could also ask if he could cut down the amount of time he looks at it, or ask him to try and do it whilst your not around. This might also help. But probably asking him to masturbate sometimes is your best bet.
Nothing wrong with him. He's using pornography and erotica to get new ideas and drive up his passion and drive you wild in bed. Unfortunately the side effect is that he will make you exhausted if he goes on like this. Try to take him out sometimes, or create romantic evenings at home, so he spends some time away with porn. Unfortunately I don't think this will decrease his sex drive, it will probably make him just desire you even more....
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): Thanks both for your thoughts :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): Once they start it easily becomes an addiction. You should be the one to turn him on, not pictures. It used to be a man sneaking in a gas station to buy a magazine, the temptation was not so easily accessible...but it's all broke loose now, and as I've read on this site, it makes woman feel 2nd best. I'm going to go so far as to say it's cheating if they have a playboy in their mind while they make love to you. It's taking the lazy way out, instead of real romance. I could be way off, but porn addiction could be related to E.D. because the high stimulation is unnatural to the body. Anyways, it's not your fault, and it's not too late to tell him your concerns and the consequences of this lifestyle.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): Thanks both for your thoughts :)
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female
reader, Serenity1 +, writes (17 October 2008):
 I understand what you're saying. On one hand I think you should enjoy it while it lasts, because the last thing you want him to do is go find it elsewhere. But at the same time if cares anything about you he will respect the fact that you don't want as much at times and be able to get some self control over his self. If he continues this behavior on a daily basis it may be a mental addiction which alot of people have to porn, it's like they have to have it. Which is not good for you or him, because the ending result of porn addiction is (in some cases) erectyle disorder, etc. Meaning he will always need porn to get a hard on, and so on. If in your heart you don't feel right about then that should tell you something. Never doubt the natural instincts God gave you. Never, no matter what kind of advice you get from this site. That's all this site is, strictly advice that's all. Just take it for what it is. But I believe you yourself know that what he's doing isn't normal.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 October 2008):
 Lady if I were you I'd keep mum on the subject and just enjoy all the sex and attention. I don't see a problem here. 4 times in one day...zowie.
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