A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In the last 3 weeks my husband's behaviour has become very odd.He just sits in front of the TV in his underwear, eating nachos and drinking endless bottles of Diet Coke and Pepsi. The programmes he watches are usually reality TV or, worse, porn dramas on DVD.He quit his job. He wasn't fired or laid off.He makes no effort to look for a new job, and the only time he ever gets dressed is to go out and buy more Diet Coke, Pepsi, crisps and nachos which he eats in large quantities. He dresses very smartly when he does it.I'm 25 and he's 27.I've tried to find out why he's doing this, but he won't discuss the issue. I can't understand it. All he said was that he wasn't depressed, and he loves being like this.Our sex life has gone from great to nothing now - and I miss having sex and him being affectionate.please can someone help? I don't know what to do next and I worry I could become stressed because of the situation.Carla
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (17 October 2008):
 I would either follow him on one of his gussied-up shopping excursions, to see if he is meeting someone, or perhaps see if there is someone, a friend, who you can trust to talk discreetly with at his office, if that is possible - in order to fill in the missing gaps on your husbands behavior. This isn't an invasion of privacy. You are right to be concerned, he isn't talking, and you and he took vows together. Right now it sounds like he is forsaking himself and everything around him, and you are right to be worried, for your own sake and especially for HIS. This isn't normal behavior.
Barring that, take a two week LOA from your own job and tell him that You, also, have quit and love this lifestyle. It may force him to open up and spill the beans about what is going on in his life. It's not fair to stick your tookus on the couch and expect someone else to support you watching porn and drinking pepsi all day without any explanation to their spouse at all.
I think anonymous struck the nail on the head, and it sounds like a depression or a mid-20's crisis (more and more common these days) of some kind, and a serious one at that. He may need help, so you need to get to the bottom of this, and soon. Good Luck Hun. ...For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, including mental health. This is where you come in as caretaker of him, if he can't take care of himself. I'm sure with your help, he'll be able to get through it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): Regardless of what your husband says, the signs certainly point to him being depressed. Did he tell you why he quit? Do you have any idea what happened? Just because a person says that they aren't depressed, doesn't mean that they aren't, they just may not want to admit it, or accept it. You've got a couple of things going on, and its great that you see right away there are problems. Please try to talk to him, or get him to talk to someone else. What he's doing certainly isn't "normal", and he's just trying to hide from it. I'm guessing he may be embarrassed, feel very dejected, worthless, ect...And the porn? Well if he's watching that all the time, of course he may not want a "real woman"..so you need to nip that in the bud as soon as possible. Porn can ruin men from wanting real sex. What I don't understand is why does he get so dressed up to go out? How long is he gone? I mean,I don't mean to freak you out, but do his trips seem to take a long time? He couldn't be sneaking out to meet up with someone could he? I really don't get that part..unless he feels since that's all he goes out for he gets all fancied up? But yes sweetie, I think there's definetely some things going on, and you say you might become stressed over this, but I think you already are dear. Please try to talk to him, as a friend, don't confront him, and if that doesn't work, does he have any close friends or family that might be able to talk to him? I wish you well, please let us know what happens ok? And remember, we're here!
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