A
female
age
41-50,
*everagain73144
writes:I am going to try to make this as short as possible by giving enough info but it's a long story. any advice is welcomed. refrain from judgement and ill comments please. My fiance and I got into an argument one day. very stupid argument and when I went to make food in the kitchen he came in kissed my forehead and continued to go up and down the stairs. doing what? I didn't bother to see. when I got done and brung his plate upstairs he was gone! clothes everything. I also was pregnant at the time and wasn't very happy about it because I did not want more kids. any way, he was gone, I was like WOW!! he called me two days later as if nothing had happened and said hey babe just wanted to let you know I arrived in n.y safely. im like wtf!!! new York! That's where he lived previous from moving here to the state where I currently live by the way. my point is he just up and left and got on a plane and went back without saying a word to me then just called two days later as if it was ok to do that.. I was hurt, crying for two days thinking he walked out on me and he acts as if he went on a vacation to visit his kids like he told me that.. but he didn't!!! he's wondering why im so upset and why am I over reacting, im like how can any one in they right mind think that this is ok.. why did he pack all his clothes then just to visit for two weeks as he stated? why did he not tell me? the list goes on anyway. he even left money on the table for me as if idk..anyway that was in 2012 the end of july coming into august.,.i was very confused and lost nothing made sense. he was like he'll be home in a few weeks, I was like oh no you wont be.that he needs to start telling me the truth and stop playing games with me because his actions seem very suspect.i said if you were planning to leave me and not come back just tell me.. he still says that's not what he was doing etc.. I just did not feel like a person does this to another person, I needed time to think about who was this person I was about to marry and be with for the rest of my life before I said iok come back, I have other kids, I just had to really think..i wondered was he thinking about going back to his other baby mother etc.. he said of course not. this is like august now and he's trying to work and get money up before he come back but still I could not shake the feeling something isn't right. so I told him I still need more time to think, he's telling me how much he in love with me etc.. pouring it on hard, crying etc.. this is getting long let me shorten this. long story short, he still in n.,y he was suppose to come back this month when our daughter was born, and he been great this whole time sending money for holidays etc, calling, texting , gifts the works..til i get a email from his son's mother telling me they been sleeping together since september of 2012 and moved in together in december and she broke up with him in feb. 2013 and i was like WTF.. but yet this the same girl who was calling me sending me emails in feb saying how bad he's doing and that i need to be there for him cause he loves me so much and he been miserable without me.. my head is spinning!!! i got to him immediately like how could you do this me, i was texting him by the way.. after all these months he telling me he would never do this to me and he been miserable and i need to trust him and he sorry the way he left .. u get the picture!!!!! i was pregnant!!! for months we planning what we gon do etc when he get back, he dying inside day and night and made me think i was crazy for even assuming he was sleeping with someone else!!! he text back like baby im soooooo sorry!!! i was lost, because you hated me from the way i left!!! i didnt know what to do.. i just cried, he called i didnt answer because the same time he telling me he sorry, his baby mother texting me telling me he cussing her out calling her all types of bitchs and telling her she destroying his life with his WIFE AND DAUGHTER!!!!!! oh now im his wife?? im just sick to my stomach.. i just stopped and cried and havent said a word to anyone since yesterday.. i just hold my baby girl and just wonder am i to blame because i didnt alow him to come right back.. i dnt know what to do or say now if anything.. i just dont see how was that love, or being in love .. im just lost and crushed!!!!! all he text last since i wouldnt answer the phone is ( he dnt wanna get into it, he done talking, and he do love me).. and that she's just upset because he dont love her and he loves me and etc.. but yet he was sleeping with her for months lived with her and was coming back down here and talking to me all the time as if this other life wasnt even going on, am i crazy !!! i dont even know what to feel, think or say and i dont even know what i expect to get advice on, i guess i just dnt know why im even writing this, my daughter was just born two weeks ago, i feel like if i do not know what love is by now? i never will
View related questions:
broke up, crush, fiance, money, moved in, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lilmishap  +, writes (6 May 2013):
This isnt what u want to hear. GET HIM OUT OF YOUR HEAD. you Know you desrve more than this. The whole time he has a hol don you, he is stopping u meeting a decent man who will treat u properly. But while so fixated on this man all you can do is get more hurt and less self esteem. Hes done enough to prove this relationship is not that important to him. It hurts but those are the facts of it.
A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (5 May 2013):
 None of this is your fault. If he had truly loved you, he would have spent the months when you were keeping him out of your life (with VERY good reason, by the way) working on himself and making himself a better person and a better father. Instead he was sleeping with someone else.
Instead of asking yourself if you were wrong not to let him come straight back, you should be thanking the universe for showing you what he was like before you married him. If his way of dealing with things is to pack up his stuff and fly to another state without a word, then he is not the kind of man you need in your or your daughter's life. Imagine if you had stayed together and he had done this when she was five years old. That could have destroyed her.
You need to focus on your daughter for now. She may or may not want to have a relationship with him in the future, but if he lives in another state and is a flake then that relationship will probably be difficult and you will have to pick up the pieces, so be prepared.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 May 2013):
 Let's get the most important issue out of the way.
He is no longer your fiance, nor is he your boyfriend. All he is to you now is your ex and the father of your daughter.
You need to end things with him all the way. Doesn't matter why, or what, or whether he was sleeping with that girl. All you need to consider is that your relationship with him is over, and as such, you are not available for him to boomerang back to.
You being hurt or not knowing what love is is no excuse for wavering regarding your need to throw him forcibly out of your life. He abandoned you. Whether he says any crap about what he wants to do is irrelevant. He needs to stay there.
Your daughter being born is an amazing miracle. Take your mind and your attention off of him and enjoy this new life who you CAN teach the meaning of love to. Just get a court order of child support and let the state get the money you need to take care of her from him.
...............................
|
