A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help. I love my girlfriend a lot but don't think I'm attracted to her body. I'm not trying to say she's completely unattractive because she's not, she's actually very pretty. I just don't find myself lusting or wanting her body/sex. I've always really loved her and loved being around her, our personalities are a complete match, and I love being with her in intimate ways however I'm not actually attracted to her body. Does this make sense?? Is it something we can work on? It's mostly because of weight problems and often going through fluctuations of putting on and losing a significant amount of weight. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2015): This is incredibly, incredibly shallow.
What happens when she gets wrinkly? Or 50 years old and overweight?
You sound like a boy,not a man. And you seem to put on a lot of importance on things that are, essentially, very superficial.
That said, you are how you are, I'd just leave her if I were you. I do hope in time you can learn to love somebody's soul rather than their body...
A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (26 June 2015):
This is a very delicate issue, as she probably has her own body issues to deal with so any suggestion that you like her at a particular weight could easily harm her confidence and put her under pressure.
If you think she needs to lose weight for her health, then I'd approach it with her and offer to work out with her etc. However, if it's just that you'd prefer her body to look a certain way and she's not putting her health at risk in any way, then I think you might need to accept that she's not the one for you and let her find someone who is attracted to her properly.
One final thing - I don't know what size she is, but I'm finding many young guys have unrealistic expectations around what their partners should look like. Make sure that's not the case here, as it's likely that anyone you are with will experience fluctuations in weight, so you may never find what you are looking for.
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A
female
reader, Catbug +, writes (26 June 2015):
You will eventually make her feel unattractive, not pretty, ect.. When do you find it attractive? Skinny? Bigger? More skinny? Tell her that you will diet with her and workout.. You should talk to her and let her know.
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A
female
reader, RitaVida +, writes (25 June 2015):
You cant force full attractioN. And without full attraction, you're essentially friendzoning.
Make a decision. Either except her body whether narrow OR large and learn to love it--cause whether its a medical condition or just her body chemistry, some people's weight yoyos quickly... you have to accept her.
If you dont think you can handle her going back and forth, then kindly discuss that you like her when she's xyz weight. And let HER decide what's best with her body. If she wants to change towards your definition of a more agreeable body then kindly help and encourage her. If she refuses, accept it and realize what you have at best is a friend, since there's no complete physical attraction.
Just my .02
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