A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of three and a half years and I broke up recently because our relationship had been going south for awhile (mostly because of my actions). She told me she wanted a break, lied to me for a week, then revealed that she was in fact leaving me completely for someone else (whom she'd developed an emotional (not physical) relationship over about 3 weeks prior to our break.) She said he made her happy all the time and they had a connection that we didn't have anymore. I agreed about us not having a connection, and agree that we shouldn't be together right now. It's been almost a month now since our split, I'm slowly moving on thanks to good friends, family, and God, but I still can't get her out of my head completely because I am still completely in love with her. I'm living my life normally, hanging out with friends and I'm not opposed to dating someone else if I find someone (my ex knows all this and she seems to be unnaturally interested in what I'm doing sometimes). My ex, on the other hand, basically remains glued to her cell phone (texting him) or Skyping him in her dorm. I told her this when we finally had a talk and explained everything to each other a couple of weeks ago. She said she still loves me too, but she loves him more. This hurts, seems sparatic and immature from her, but I still have these feelings for her. We still talk a little and are trying to remain friends (to do this, I've suggested limited contact for awhile, which is working ). We both are at college, but the guy she has a relationship lives in our hometown 300 miles away and visits her about every other weekend. My question is: 1. Should I pursue getting her back because of my feelings for her? 2. If so, when and how do I do this? 3. Any other thoughts on this situation would be great.
View related questions:
a break, broke up, immature, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): yea man thats rough. No way possible she "loves" this guy. She is just saying that to make you upset which im sure it is. She knows how much you love her and want to be with her so she will continue to play games with you if you let her. She knows you care, now show her your a man and cut contact and move on. They will come back if they love you. Trust me, both my ex's came back. I shouldn't have given them second chances but I did and I got burned bad, but I loved them. Especially the most recent one. Like the other guy said, don't be their safety net. I think I was just used as that b/c she knew how much I cared about her. Let this girl be, if she did it once to you she will do it again, i promise! It will take time but one day you will heal. and be ok if you never stop loving them, but the pain and suffering fades with time. I know from experience.
By the way, staying friends does not work. If you have feelings for them still, its going to eat you up looking at their facebook, talking to their friends and finding out what their doing cuz chances are they're not just sitting home doing nothing
A
female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (19 September 2010):
 You wont get her back, if your working on moving on and doing well like you said, keep on with it, it will be long and hard for you. But if you sit waiting for her then she will use you everytime a guy doesnt want her, and you will be stuck cause you love her.
I urge you to try and stay away, i really wish you the best.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 September 2010):
1 - No. You're in danger of being the safety net if things with this other guy fail. Don't sit there being a safety net. The truth is, she doesn't' love either of you and is playing games with you both. She will be the one to lose out in the end, because both you and the other guy will no doubt see her for what she is.
You've also got to remember you've only been broken up for a month. It took me 6 months of no contact with my ex to get over her a few years back. But it worked.
I just think you're being played by her, and I think you should end contact and focus on moving on. Why be second best?
...............................
|
