A
female
age
41-50,
*msi
writes:ok my main reason for posting this is i am very confused. my now ex partner and myself have known each other for 10 years now, we lost contact for a few years and ended up catchin up on a social network site were we continued to speak on a regular basis. after about 4 months of speakin via the site and text and phone calls we decided we would meet up and catch up on old times, this turned into a great evening and we decided we got on really well, after a few more meetings he finally bit the bullet as he called it and asked if i wanted to be with him, to this i said yeah. from this point we spent most of our time together we would meet up regularly alone and with friends. It then went to him spending most of the week at my house, he would go home for maybe 2 days then be back at mine, on numourous occasions he would tell me that he was falling in love with me tho none of us had actually said the words to each other, i was moving just a few weeks ago into a new house, he helped with everything to do with the moving and decorating the new house, he would even talk about things he wanted for himself in the house tho we had not said anything about moving in together.i have met all his family and we were making plans to see his mum as she lives a good few hourd away. 3 weeks ago we were on a night out with some friends and we were having fun, and again he said to me and my friends that he was totally falling in love with me. We got in later that night and had a real heart to heart were he told me some things that you would only tell someone you truly trusted, and then he said the 3 little words, i love you. i of course replied. he went home the next day as he had been at mine for a week, but was planning on coming back the next day. later that night i was on the social network site that we both use but he hadnt logged out, i knowni was in the wrong but i had a look at his private messages, thats when i fell apart. There was a message there from his ex asking if he had made up his mind and if he was going to finish with me or not, his reply was yes, but im going to help her decorate her house first. i immediately text him asking for an explanation to which i got no reply, called him several times but he didnt answer and then next the phone was switched off. didnt hear anything from him for nearly 3 days then i got a message saying sorry, i will get my stuff collected and get your keys back to you, its better we go our seperate ways so i dont hurt you any more. I have not had my keys and he has not collected his stuff, he did contact me again asking if i was happy with us not talking and if he had a choice he would like me as a friend, not heard from him since. im just so confused that he can tell me these things that you dont just tell anyone, and tell someone you love them but have the intention of finishing with them. i really need help with this cos i miss him so much and need some answers from someone on the outside. should i move on or will he come back??
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his ex, I love you, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bobbyjo +, writes (19 September 2010):
 Im not totally sure if he played you.....however I dont think you can trust him seeing that hes still in touch with his ex. I think you would be much better off without him to be honest.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): For your personal safety and piece of mind, please change your locks ASAP.
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A
female
reader, emsi +, writes (19 September 2010):
emsi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice guys, it really does help to have outside opinions. no he hadnt just split up with his ex, we used to talk about her, before we started going out and he used to say that she was very suffocating, never let him speak to girls, checked his phone constantly, she even accused him of having an affair with one of his male friends. but reading ur comments im starting to relise that it just wasnt ment to be, as they say whats for u never goes by u. his loss. thanks.x
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A
male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (18 September 2010):
Drop this fool and dont look back. Some guys dont deserve any girls.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): I thought I just answered this but I dont know if it worked?Well, Im not sure if he played you. Do you know if he just broke up with the ex recently? Then maybe he did? He may have used you to make her jealous. I was in a similar situation i believe just recently and im finished. my heart is gone. you can read mine if you want "my ex came back and left after 4 years." He looks like he chose you, got in a bind b/c you caught him and he did what he should have done. Just say sorry and move forward with his ex. He probably does feel bad for hurting you a bit, but obviously not that much. You just have to take it as a learning experience and move forward. I wish i took more time being friends with my ex b4 just jumping in without looking. Maybe you should have done the same. Now you'll know for the future. Just dont call him, cut contact and move forward. You deserve someone who wants you and cannot decide between girls. Its too bad you got caught up in his game. I know exactly how you feel, I just went through the same damn thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): O boy, sounds rough. He may have used you to make his ex jealous. Do you know why they broke up or was it something recent? I was just in a very similar situation and you can read mine if you like "my ex came back after 4 years and left). I also feel used and an ex bf was right in the middle of us. Bad thing is I knew about it but trusted her when she told me she loved me. Sometimes we are too trustworthy. If I could go back i would have taken things much slower to find out more about the person.
To me it looks like he chose her over you, didn't want to explain himself and chickened out....he is right, he didn't want to hurt you more and he did the right thing by just saying sorry and backing off even though I know it hurts a lot. You just have to learn from this and maybe next time we will both know to not trust our ex's so fast. It makes me feel stupid for trusting mine too cuz she just crushed me and I think I was used too. I feel for you. Try to push forward, don't contact him anymore and indulge yourself in work/friends/hobbies. It will get better I promise. I got over my ex once before, so I hope it will happen again. But the second time feels worse :/
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A
male
reader, London_Boy  +, writes (18 September 2010):
I would say move on why would you want someone go back to some one who cheated on you?. They are called an ex for a reason and he'll try to come back because he keeps making contact with you when HE WANTS just so that he knows that he can talk to you when ever he wants and tell you all those little words that will nibble away at you until you say yes come on in just so he can do it to you again why put yourself through it? i say forget him and move on hope this helps.
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