A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for nearly 5 years, but the problem is that he is already married and he says he wants to marry me but I don't want to because I can't share him with anyone but he is not trying to understand. He has been married for over 6 years and he has a daughter. We love each other a lot but even if I want to marry him my parents won't approve of that.I asked him to forget me and end it but he is not willing to do that. I know it is wrong but can't help it, I am confused, I can't leave him. If I don't call him in the whole day he fights with me, I tell him I'm very busy not understanding. Please give a solution for this.We can't stay without each other, he says after our marriage he will keep me in his house where he stays. Please help me. He says I am his lucky mascot whenever he is in tension after talking to me it is solved, he considers me as his wife, I love him a lot. If I can't marry him is this not cheating to marry someone else? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): This difficult for you because you have invested so much time in this person and relationship. But looking from the outside in...it seems to me like he is not leaving his wife. He has been married for over 6 years. You have a lot of patience and kindness but it's obvious he does not love you. He is being greedy. He is married to a woman he won't let got to be free to find someone else and he has you whom he wants to MARRY. I'm sorry but I missed something. Where is the mention of him divorcing her before marrying you. It is against the law to marry while you are married.
You are lying to yourself by trying to put everything on him when you have the power. You say you asked him to forget you. You don't need to be concerned with him. Be concerned with yourself and Leave..don't walk away..Run!!! You already have thought about it and know you should..just do it..You are mistaking the the fighting about you not calling and his attention as love. It is not. Telling you you are his lucky mascot. Are you his pet now? You are a woman with emotional needs and feelings that he does not care about. He is using you and his wife to satisfy his needs. He is the one getting all of his needs met. Seems to me like you care more about him than your own self and that is the sad part. I don't know where women have learned this but it is okay to PUT YOURSELF FIRST. The solution: leave him and find a good unmarried man. While waiting take care of yourself, treat yourself good and start a journal. Write everything you want in a man down and what you don't want. When you find the right guy he will be all that you need and more. Good Luck!!
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 April 2009):
 You cannot marry him as it is illegal to marry someone else whilst already married - he would be punished for this i.e. he would be put in prison.
You sound like you already have tried to end the relationship - but you need to try harder. This man is married and has a family - think of the child in all of this mess. Could you imagine growing up wondering where daddy is all the time only to find out when you are older that he was with another woman the whole time? This man has responsibilities and has to face up to them, he cannot have two women in his life!
You need to be strong - you say you dont want to share him with anyone else hence why you will not marry him, but you are already sharing him right now! Dont you want a man that can spend all his time with you, share all his love with you and only you, make love to only you etc? You deserve to have a man of your own, someone that loves you and only you. This man is like the cat thats got the cream at the moment - he has the dutiful wife at home bringing up his child, and then the other "wife" i.e. you, who he can have fun with etc. He is using you, but you cant see this because you are blinded by "love".
This is not real love. Love is when two people are committed to each other, when they share mutual respect for each other and can love no other. He loves another woman (clearly he does because he married her!) therefore he does not love you.
Once you have realised that he is just using you and this relationship can never go anywhere then you need to move on. It does not matter if he gets upset when you dont speak to him; he has no right to get upset because he is the one hurting you everyday by being with another woman! Cut him out of your life - delete his phone number, email etc. Change your number so he cant contact you anymore.
This will be hard but after a while, you will finally start to move on. There will be a man out there who can return your love and fufil all of your needs, you just have not met him yet. Give it time and start looking for someone new, this is not the man that you are supposed to be with.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
|
