A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 23 and have just broken up with my boyfriend of 6-months (he's 34 years old).I broke up with him after finding out he was married with two children; I feel disgusted and sick and have self-loathing.We met in a gay bar that's popular locally; his wit and charm, as well as his looks impressed me. We became a couple, and were together for 6 months.All my friends met him, and liked him.I only found out what he was really likeen I was with my friend Matt* [and his partner] who said "You know your boyfriend; well, you don't know him properly; he's married with two children, don't you? I know because I've seen him around town with them".Matt works locally, and said he's seen him sometimes in the same area, but usually alone, it was only on a break from work that he saw him with them. He said he was so sorry to break the news to me. I asked him if it was the same guy who was my boyfriend and he said yes, it's the very same guy, "sorry to break the bad news". I feel like such a fool now; but how can I ever trust a guy again! Also, how will I ever know whether he's married or not, and what the hell is a married man doing in gay bars anyway??Advice is appreciated: I feel like I'm going through my own self-inflicted hell here.Mark * Matt is not his real name.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): Things you should do:1) Find out if he is married, google is a wonderful thing. The woman he was with could easily be his sister or a friend.2) Ask if he's outed himself or not, he maybe a closet case and cheating on his wife.3) Ask yourself if you can really trust him if you can't you have to break up with him.4) Stop going to the bar scene if you want to avoid men who are on the DL, and if you want a serious life long commitment.5) Be true to yourself, there is nothing worng with being singal and happy. I am.
A
female
reader, loving arms +, writes (18 March 2009):
first make sure he is married, Seeing a man waliking around with a lady and 2 children does not automatically equal married.
I am often out with relatives/friends etc and people could easily jump to conclusions. 2nd this guy may well be gay and is trying to live the straight life. Which in all honesty makes me fel sad for him.
Worse ways you were decived. That does not mean every man you meet in a bar will be hiding who he is. Maybe meting his family and seeing where he lives will help to erase any fears you have with a new man.
Good luck mate x
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A
male
reader, dddddddd  +, writes (17 March 2009):
Well he is obviously either bisexual or gay and was looking for a relationship with a man while still keeping the one he had with his wife.
There are actually more married men out there then you realise who seek out sex or sometimes relationships with other men. Although his feelings for you may have been genuine he has been extremely deceitful and hurtful by leading you into a relationship when he clearly wasn't in a position to be in one.
All you can do in future is try and be more observant. If you're really worried about this happening again you can always ask someone "you're not married are you?"
You are not in a self-inflicted hell - your emotions aren't self influcted - they were inflicted by your deceitful now ex-boyfriend. So don't be so hard on yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): looking for sex at a guess? the thing his wife cant provide. of course there could be a million other reasons like coincidence but irrelevant. I would go for he went there for sex.
maybe going to gay bars to meet men isn't the best place?
you know that - why were you there?
find a man to love you outside of the bar scene - trust me it will be better...
Star.x.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): sounds like hes a gay man pretending to be straight
seeing you as a bit on the side ..it must really hurt
god help his wife and children is all i can see.. i wonder did he tell the wife he is bisexual or just said hes straight. i really feel for you both actually :(
u cant trust him, dump this lying loser
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