A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I were together for two years. Then we broke up for a year. And now we've been back together for two months (and counting). During the time we were broken up, I had a one-night-stand (which means I did NOT cheat as we were broken up). After it, I never talked to the guy again. Also during that time, my bf was "dating" another chick but they apparently never had sex as it had become too awkward.Basically, 7-9 months later (now), he's punishing ME for having a one-night-stand. And I know it's because he didn't have sex with the other girl. Everytime this argument comes up, I tell him that it was short and pathetic and I never talked to the guy again. Also that my bf is sooooo much better in bed (it's true)!He still guilt-trips me about it saying, "I thought I knew you, but apparently I don't. I thought you were against all that; calling other women sluts who did that and then YOU go do that." He also says, "When you get me so extremely happy, I eventually think of that other dude you banged and I feel like punching something. Picturing his arms around you makes me sick to my stomach."I understand where's coming from because when he was "dating" the other girl, picturing them together made my own stomach churn. Also, he's been trying to get me to comply to a threesome for a while and I know it's because he wants to know what sex with another girl is like. (We were both virgins when he and I had sex for the first time.)But, what the hell do I say to his guilt-trips? I love my bf to death and very much would like to marry him and have kids with him someday. He told me the same thing and we've agreed we need to get past certain things from the past in order to have a future. I just don't know how to wean him off this mentality without compromising my sanity...
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both virgins, broke up, sex with another, threesome Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (9 February 2010):
 Some things that need to be clarified ... He's basically told you that you were a slut here:
"I thought I knew you, but apparently I don't. I thought you were against all that; calling other women sluts who did that and then YOU go do that."
Nice boyfriend hey? And he's basically making you feel inadequite as a lover here:
"When you get me so extremely happy, I eventually think of that other dude you banged and I feel like punching something. Picturing his arms around you makes me sick to my stomach."
Punching you? So your not that good for him after all?
To cut a long story short, it ended when you both broke up before. Once its finished, im sorry, but its finished. What ever the reasons are you both were not meant to be because you would not have broken up in the first place. its all a comfort zone now.
In answer to your question you could say something like: Yes, it was good, and he should now shut the hell up before he loose his girlfriend because she's getting sick and tired of him bringing it up all the time. So shut up about it and just enjoy what you've got."
be a bit tougher on him. Otherwise based on the above if I was a girl that would be enough for me to end it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): No why did you ever go ahead and tell him? Never tell a guy things like that. It serves nothing. Then on the other hand, if he asked the question, he needs to face the facts in a more mature manner.
I see where he's coming from, but punishing you and bringing it up all the time, wont make it go away. He needs to deal with it. If he can't you two will both be miserable. I dont want to judge the relationship down and under though. He might just need some time to cool this off. But for the future, what you did when single is of no boyfriends right to know. Its your private personal history. And it should have been obvious that he would get hurt by this, no matter how "legal" it was for you to do it. Some things are better left unsaid. Also, never compare a guy's bed abilities to another man. No matter what, if he's better or not. Just doing the comparison is offensive. Do you want to be compared to his ex'es? Don't think so.
Be blunt and straight forward: it happened. Im sorry it hurts you, I didnt do it to hurt you. The fact is however, it happened. I did not cheat on you, nor will I ever cheat on you. I hope in time you will accept this.
And then, never bring it back up again. Its not worth it.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (8 February 2010):
 Seems he is jealous that you had sex and he didn't.
But now he is trying to get you to agree to have sex with another girl, well so much for fidelity then.
This is about ego, not hurt feelings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): My fiancee does guilt trips to me EXACTLY like that. And I had a one night two years before I even met him and he gives me guilt trips with it. I don't really know what to tell you but I can tell you what I'm doing. I love him with everything I have so I'm just hoping it'll pass... and in the meantime I'm hoping he fucks up somehow so I can have something on him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 February 2010):
For God's sake get rid of him. He's being pathetic. You weren't together, which would suggest there were problems beforehand anyway. He will always be like this, and at some point, you will become resentful towards it. You just can't stop it, and he will continue to act this way.
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