A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I was at my best friend's house the other night, which was supposed to be a movie-night but ended up turning into a full-on boozefest. Needless to say, I drank way too much and my friends started trying to set me up with one of the guys there that I had seen a few times before. I told them I found him cute, and they told me that he also found me attractive, but nothing was acted on for the remainder of the time that everyone was there. After everyone left, my best friend said that he could stay the night, as well as myself and the guy that he came with. The guy he came with slept on the couch, and he himself decided I was too drunk to function and took me up to bed. As he was about to leave, I told him he could stay, so he did. We ended up cuddling until the morning, but that is all! Although, at one point he did try to kiss me, but I said no, and it never went any further. I just appreciated the cuddles. I recently, two months ago, got out of a seriously emotionally abusive relationship, so the closeness was just what I needed. In the morning, however, I felt extremely awkward, and I think I know the reason. Even though I like this guy, I'm afraid to get close to anybody now because of how my ex boyfriend treated me. I don't want to be friends with benefits, and I don't feel comfortable enough to be in a relationship, but I do like him. I don't want to get hurt again. I feel like the only time I can be close to someone is when I drink, so this is kind of a big deal. I think that he thinks it will lead somewhere now that we've cuddled together, but I'm just.. afraid? I don't know really.. This probably doesn't make much sense to anybody.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (11 March 2013):
 If you had been provocative or led him on in any way - like kissing him lots, getting a bit sexual (if you know what I mean) without actually doing anything....then perhaps he could have thought that you wanted something more and he could have had expectations. However you refused to kiss him, and all you did is sleep in a bed together, he would have to be pretty daft to expect anything to come of that! When I was at Uni the same thing happened to me a number of times, I'd be a bit drunk and kind of like a guy but wasnt looking for anything, so we'd end up sleeping in the same bed but that was it. None of the guys ever expected anything from me, so dont worry, it all sounds like everything is ok.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): "I thought sharing a bed meant that you guys had to take it somewhere or I was leading him on, or something."
Naw, it's nothing like that really OP. It was a drunken bit of fun at a party, only a fool would have expectations of that.
Everything seems to going fine OP, you're not leading him on, not flirting with him or teasing him, you chat as normal on Facebook and stuff and that's it. If the time comes when he tries to ask you out or take you on a date just make it clear to him where your head is at the moment in that moment. Who knows, this guy may become quite a good friend try your best not to hook up with him again while drunk though OP. More than once and that would be leading him on. So next time you go to party with your friends make sure they know you're not in the right place mentally for being set up or being pushed to be with a guy. You don't really even want to scratch and itch right now. Take all the time you need OP because the next time you want to start something with a guy you'll want to do so with a clear head and on an equal footing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies so far.
Yeah, I guess you could say I'm not really experienced at this since I've only been in two very long relationships that both ended badly. I thought sharing a bed meant that you guys had to take it somewhere or I was leading him on, or something.
In regards to texting or having him on Facebook, he asked if I wanted his number when I was hungover and I sorta said yes, because I do find him interesting and I think he would be a great friend, if not anything else. We seem to be messaging each other as normal, acknowledging the fact it happened but not going anywhere from there.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (11 March 2013):
The other answers are both spot on - it is too soon after your breakup to be thinking about other guys, and the reason why you can only get close to someone when you are drunk is because your ex damaged your confidence and drink (alcohol) gives you that fake confidence you currently dont have.
Try and stay away from guys at the moment, ok so you like this guy you met but it is too soon, you are not ready and you need more time alone to get over your previous relationship. There will be plenty more guys out there who you like and you will find someone in the future, this guy isnt going to be the only one. Are you friends with him on Facebook, or do you have his number? I'd message him or text him to apologise for being so drunk on whatever night it was, thank him for being so kind to you and leave it there. If he then replies and asks to see you again, tell him that you are only recently out of a bad relationship and are not ready to get involved with anyone at the moment so you are just taking some time out from guys.
He can think what he wants after the other night, but nothing has to happen unless you want it to. Just because you cuddle someone doesnt mean anything else has to happen, plenty of people get a bit drunk and share a bed with someone, it doesnt mean it has to go anywhere.
Try and remain single for at least 6 months, and dont date or get involved with anyone during that time. Give yourself a decent amount of time to get over your ex, you will heal eventually and your fear of getting hurt will fade in time, but you have to give yourself that time first rather than letting guys back into your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): Sounds like it might be too soon OP. I mean you're against it when sober and that's the only time you should think of in terms of what you want. What you want when drunk doesn't count because your normal inhibitions are gone.
If you're afraid then it's too soon. I mean you did nothing to make this happen, your friends drunkenly set it up, you drunkenly thought it was a good idea and you had a nice cuddle too.
I think what makes this definitely a case of too soon is the fact that even while wasted drunk you stopped him kissing you. That's saying a lot because you were "too drunk to function" but still able to know it was a bad idea.
I wouldn't worry about him, you had a drunken cuddle, he probably expects nothing and if he does just tell him straight, you loved the cuddle, you needed it, it felt great but your head is nowhere near in the right place for a relationship.
OP I wouldn't worry about it, getting with a guy while drunk at a party is no big deal, but how you feel about relationships etc right now is. So by all means have your drunken fun, but make sure you exercise caution when it comes to guys in the sense of not messing around with them until you feel ready or you're going to have lots more awkward moments and feel this confused and scared.
It sounds like you like the idea of a relationship but just haven't recovered your confidence after the last asshole.
OP there's no hurry, I know when you party and friends see you single they'll do all they can to get you a man, we are the most amazing things on this planet for you ladies afterall haha, just don't feel rushed into anything or get too carried away for a while. When you're ready OP you'll know and frankly OP he'll have to do more than just allow himself to be set up in this way to get you. He'd have to get your number, start texting you, ask you out on a date etc. I mean he didn't even make any moves to get you, your friend had to set you up.
See what happens, but if you're not ready, you're not ready, don't let anyone tell you that you should anyway.
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A
female
reader, graemills  +, writes (11 March 2013):
I get it. I have been and often am in the same boat as you are. After I broke up with my boyfriend I drank a lot and got with guys when I was drunk. Some turned into friends with benifets but the funny thing was that it wasn't really a friendship... I only could feel comfortable around them when I was drunk and when we slept together it made me feel wanted and boosted my ego. Looking back I see that maybe it would have been better to go with situations that are comfortable. I should have really been respecting myself more and believing that I deserved what I felt was better. Maybe this is the case for you. Maybe you just need more time to take things more slowly and sort of "date yourself". Treat yourself, love yourself, put yourself in kind and comfortable situations. I know how awful it feels to be getting over someone but just be careful.. because settling for something can leave you feeling worse. You will be okay though. I suppose a drunk hook up is okay once in a while but just be careful when it starts making you feel emotionally heavy. Treat yourself wonderfully.
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