A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So if you meet a guy that your falling in love someone you can see yourself with for a long time...would you still be with him after he told you he has gental herpes? Just need your thoughts and honest answer I don't want to be shallow because he is such a sweet guy..... But I just don't know what to do!!!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 March 2013):
 PS. It shows a level of maturity for him to be upfront with you about this. It tells me he takes you and his condition seriously, and is responsible.
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 March 2013):
I think I'd continue with him. Or, actually, I know I would. I'd just wear condoms and be careful (condoms even for oral sex!). Or wait with sex until you have been dating a while and know that this is the guy for you.
Genital herpes, after all, doesn't kill you. Through life you'll get a few marks and bumps, you can't keep yourself "safe" from everything. And, when rationalizing, herpes isn't the big scary STI. There are far worse, and herpes doesn't do anything other than.. being there and having outbreaks. But you have outbreaks of pimples too, and yet there's not such drama over that.
I mean to say.. yes, be careful and try not to catch anything. But then again, don't be scared of something that isn't going to do much harm when it all comes down to it. Just make sure you think it through. Will there be a lot of shame if you do catch it? If so, why? You weren't sleeping around without a condom, you had a boyfriend you loved who had it. It's very different, and not "dirty".
I had a boyfriend who had Hepatitis B, chronically. Usually the Hepatitis B disappears from your body after treatment, but his was permanent. He'd always have it. And people do die from Hepatitis B, it also affects your liver. Yet I was with him, and I didn't feel scared by it. We used condoms, and were careful. We had to use condoms for oral sex too, and that's when you learn to appreciate condoms with strawberry flavour. Avoid the tutti frutti (yuck). Or you get creative, like I did, using my hand and using my tongue on other places of his body for stimulation.
Hepatitis B is more serious than herpes, but there's a vaccine for Hepatitis B, but the vaccine takes up to a year to be effective and needs to be taken on 3 separate occasions. So while I was getting the vaccine, we still had a sexual relationship before I was "safe".
What you choose to do is up to you. But I have a feeling people think STI's are super scary and dangerous, because they've been warned against them and HIV is out there too which will kill you. And then there's all those STI's who can make you sterile. Genital herpes doesn't make you sterile. You can also have it and never have a break-out in your entire life.
I suggest you read up about it, and get educated. Then date the guy for a while longer without any sex. Think about it. See how things go with him. Then make your decision. I also suggest you ask your doctor about it, and about how this will affect your sex life, and also about any complications if/when you decide to have a child together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): Already did, I had a girlfriend of 2 and half years who had it. She took medication to control it which meant that combined with protection for both oral and intercourse I never caught it from her.
We even talked about how we'd inseminate her with her a baster should we ever want kids.
In the time I was with her she only had two outbreaks which is not bad going at all for the length of time we were together and frankly a week without sex is something I was used from the whole menstrual cycle thing so it was grand.
Look it just takes extra effort and frankly I wasn't worried about infection, not only was she very protective of me not getting it but I don't think I'd be too broken up if I did contract it, it's not like it makes you really sick or anything it's incurable but the medication and creams for it these days make it very mild. About half the people I know have the oral version. Obviously we did everything we could to minimize the risk and although I do suspect that it was her go to excuse when she was not in the mood too haha.
OP no one can make that choice for you, it's something you need to read up about extensively, forget what we think. You'd not be a bad person for rejecting him based on that and you certainly wouldn't be a fool to accept him either.
Read up as much as you can and make your decision based on all available data, I asked my doctor actually about it and they said go ahead. If they're responsible enough to tell you, they're already trying to protect you and that's never a bad thing.
Don't feel bad whatever you choose OP.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 March 2013):
 if you love him it does not matter. there are ways to prevent transmission to you
he told you GOOD FOR HIM
my brother has HEP C, his husband HIV, they have been together for 15 years and have never passed either of the illnesses to the other.
If I really loved the guy and cared about him, it would not stop me. I would talk to my doctor about what I can do to prevent my catching it.... and other precautions you should take.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): If I was really falling for him, and my heart was telling me he was someone really special, then yes. He can take daily medication to prevent outbreaks, and wear condoms. OR you can refrain from sex till you are sure you want to be together long term. It would be awful to catch the virus, because of the stigma attached it, but it is not life threatening. Many people have the virus, and many people don't know they have it. You may have it if you have slept with anyone to date, but just be a carrier with no symptoms.
By him telling you, that is a huge plus for him. It would be very worrisome to tell you, but he wanted to give you the choice and to take care of you. Some people would just never even tell.
If you are careful, he should not pass it on to you.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 March 2013):
What someone else would do shouldn't matter, you need to make the decision for yourself.
First of all, even if you use protection you can still transfer the virus. Although I believe that if he's taking medication to prevent outbreaks that it's pretty unlikely (except during an outbreak).
Second, herpes isn't really that big of a deal. It won't kill you. At the worst it'll cause some mild and infrequent discomfort. It's more of a social stigma than anything.
More people have it than you could imagine. He is just one of the ones that knows about it. Unless you've tested and every person you've been with, it's possible someone else had it as well.
Personally, the decision would come down to whether or not I saw a long term future with the person and how awesome they were.
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A
female
reader, CharlyMA +, writes (11 March 2013):
No, I don't think I would, regardless of how nice a guy he is. Sorry, that's probably not what you wanted to hear, but it's the realistic way to look at it, in my opinion.
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