A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel so upset/down and uncared for at the moment, it's been building for a couple of days now.My partner hasn't really been as talkative the past few days or affectionate, she gets like that sometimes so basically all I asked was if she was okay or if I had done something unaware to upset her.. Anyway as per usually giving a damn is met with hostility, anger and swearing.. And now she's speaking to me even less because she's now annoyed at me I assume.We have been together 3 years and I am at the point where I find it virtually impossible to talk to her, I can't communicate with her without those sorts of replies and I can barely speak a conversation with her because she uses sarcasm in all the wrong ways, to make me feel dumb and to insult.. And I'm not free to say what I want.She confuses me because honestly it doesn't feel like she cares about me or if she'd even care if we never spoke again. I'm not allowed to cry around her, I avoid asking her questions and it doesn't matter how I feel about a situation she will do what she wants regardless to my feelings, for instance contact with exs, and been overly friendly with people who fancy her, but when we are in person she will tell me she loves me and recently she's booked us a 2 day weekend holiday. We are a same sex couple so for that reason I've never met her family, I've never been to her house, I'm not allowed to touch her in a way that can be seen as gay in public. Even on the bus she doesn't sit next to me because apparently my ass eats her, that comment has left me insecure of my appearance for the last 2 years.. She doesn't realise that she her self is also on the big side for a woman.I feel like the once a week I see her that it's only for sex, I feel like I have to dress revealing to get her attention because all she wants to do is maul my body and now I feel if she's not wanting me for that then I don't feel loved and I know that is the wrong way to think because she should want me for all the things she tries to change about me.I don't know why it is such a crime to ask her if she's okay.. Thing is I already know how she will react and it really bothers me.. It makes me anxious to ask her how she is, if we are okay etc when clearly something is wrong with her.I try to be good to her, of the little money I have I buy her gifts each week which most the time she won't take unless it's something she could have bought herself, I cook her dinners which she complains about, I buy her chocolates and I take her to the movies.. But none of this is good enough, it's never thank you, it's always a negative comment about what I do wrong despite it been a nice act. Because of the amount of negative comments all the time I just feel like a pile of crap who can't do anything right.. It makes me run after her, scared I'll lose her because I guess some how this has lead me to think no one else would ever want me if I'm that bad.What sort of a relationship is it where insults are common, your forever walking on egg shells, your not allowed to give her a phone call or you'll piss her off, you only see her when she choose's, you can't plan surprises, it's her way or its no way at all.Im no priority for her and I know this is barely a relationship anymore. she doesn't see anything wrong in how she acts, she always uses the line 'nobody else thinks I act that way, only you'.Please help me.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (10 June 2015):
 I read through your submittal, twice, and still couldn't figure out where was your (and her's) "relationship."
You'd be wise to simply separate from her, and seek a real "relationship" with someone else.... This one DOESN'T EXIST.
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 June 2015):
 You are Not bad at all.
What you endure with her is not a loving relationship, nor is it a healthy relationship. Which means that it is not healthy for you to remain with her.
She is treating you with contempt. It is she who is the inadequate one. Sounds like she is perenially dis-satisfied - with herself. Then she directs all her anger on to you.
You are not the problem - she is.
She is so insecure about losing you that she masks her insecurity by abusing you and being cruel. Becaused insults, sarcasm and constant jibes at you are a form of psychological abuse. All with the aim of destroying your self esteem and your confidence in you. To get you to a state where you lose so much confidence in yourself that you are too scared to leave her.
I agree that you need to break all contact.
Don't do it in person just in case she becomes violent and enraged.
And I agree with the other people who have answered your question - do not give in to her begging you to see her ''one last time.''
Put the emergency number for police assistance on your phone just in case she turns up and is abusive. If she has a key to your home then change your locks, if that is possible. Put your phone on to message bank.
You need to rebuild your friends network.
Maybe join a gym or learn a new physical skill like yoga or self defence. You'll have fun, meet new people, widen your social circle, improve your confidence in you and improve your Fitness.
Once you rebuild your self esteem and start mixing with people who accept themselves and who they are you too will
realise what you have been missing.
You deserve to be surrounded by people who accept you and treat you with respect too.
I send you my good wishes for the future.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (10 June 2015):
 You are in a toxic relationship.
http://www.yourtango.com/experts/yourtango-experts/warning-signs-toxic-relationship-expert
Save yourself time and heart ache. These kind of people look for reasons to start fights and make you feel bad about yourself. There is no winning with them, no happiness and no peace.
You need to accept that she doesn't have your best interest at heart. Love yourself enough that you know you need to walk away. Go no contact, have no contact whatsoever or she will try to pull you back in and make you feel that everything is your fault.
I wish you all the best. Life is too short to be miserable.
I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 June 2015):
 I think she is so NOT OK with herself, and she wants you to feel equally bad about YOURSELF.
THAT is not healthy at all. Neither is having a relationship where YOU can't be you. You aren't "allowed" to cry, ask her questions (you are obviously supposed to read her mind), call her or show affection.... That is equally unhealthy. And it is making YOU miserable, so why are you still with her?
She doesn't see what she is doing is wrong, you say, but I think she does.. She just don't GIVE a fly's fart. The whole "nobody else thinks I act that way, only you" is a ridiculous statement, because WHO is she dating? YOU! So who cares what "every body else thinks?
Why drag this out? Why keep beating that dead horse? End it, focus on yourself a while and next time you date someone I'd suggest you find someone who is OK with herself and can appreciate YOU for you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 June 2015):
 This is a NON relationship.
She is abusing you. You need to get out of this relationship.
I know that it will be hard for you but at this point I suggest that since you won't leave the way it is (if you would have left you would have done it already based on what you have listed) that you sit back and let her row the relationship boat.
Do not call her
do not ask to see her
DO NOT see her last minute
DO NOT have sex with her. DO NOT let her touch you or you touch her.
See how long she tolerates this.
Personally I would prefer you to say "I'm sorry we are done I am worth more than this abuse" and then have you end it then and there and block her phone calls, block her on social media, block her emails. And get on with your life.
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