A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically, I've been very antisocial for the bulk of university, and I just graduated. This started when I had a massive falling out with my high school friends during the summer between high school and uni, with my girlfriend breaking up with me and going out with my best friend within a fortnight. I took it badly, and since I'm predisposed to getting depressed if I don't keep myself in check, away I went. Years of self-imposed social isolation as I stayed at home, never pushed anyone from class towards doing anything away from uni like going to the pub, never joined any clubs, so on and so forth.This year I decided enough was enough. Pulled myself together, quit the self-destruction nonsense and this summer I'll be working in the USA (I'm from the UK) on a summer camp. It's always been my dream to visit America, and that coupled with the independence of being away from home for the first time and the travel afterwards makes me think it's one of my best moves in years. I'm 21, and have only worked one proper job and even then it was weekends for two months at most. I go to uni fulltime though, but I know I should have spent my time more wisely.Anyway. I have been going to social clubs at uni, and through this I met this great girl who is completely my type. And she expressed interest online, clear flirting and suchlike. This is where the last remaining part of my self-destructive ways comes into focus. I didn't ask her out. We had one date initiated by her, but she brought a friend along (I know she considered it something of a date cos she told me afterwards). Anyway, then she was out of the country for a few weeks and when she got back I was really busy with exams and... When we did meet again in person through the club we both go to, we didn't speak much. I struggle, I won't lie. Anyway. We did talk a lot on text and online still.The other week I went to a party at her place, fully intending on getting my game together, and lo and behold her ex was there. Completely threw me off, especially since she's the sort of person who happily sat on his knee and made jokes about them being together. They're not together, apparently, but y'know. So my error really began when I got drunk at a club, and made the bizarre decision to text her asking her to have a chat with me outside. She said no because she didn't want to end such a nice night on a serious note. Cool, we still got on afterwards, although I could tell she wasn't too impressed.So over this week, we've sort of spoken a little bit here and there online, but less so than before. Until yesterday when she pops up asking "So, what did you want to ask me?". And I made a total fool of myself in that conversation. I tried to deflect it, which she rightly called immature, and then when I told her I wanted to ask her out, I said I decided against it cos of how strange I am at the moment. And she was understanding, whilst still giving me the angle of "Well, man up then and make the change." I said some stupid shit trying to justify myself to her which made it worse. She handled it impressively though, she just had the attitude of, "Look, you need to get yourself together before you ask anyone out. You're not strange or a horrible person. Just go and fix yourself, for you."So yeah. Horrid conversation, but she was right. She did say she was a bit disappointed in my behaviour and she also said that I'd done some damage to her opinion of my when I asked. Now the question is... Should I assume that my chances of a relationship with her are gone? Should I just friend zone her the best I can? Or should, I guess, more maturely just treat it as it comes. She's only in the country for another 2 weeks, and I'm leaving in 3, so I kind of think it'd be worth just waiting until September before asking her out properly if I'm still interested? What do you guys think my next move should be?
View related questions:
best friend, depressed, drunk, flirt, her ex, immature, text, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, a-g55 +, writes (28 May 2011):
 I think you need to go back to building attraction. negging her, bieng cheeky,, making her laugh... then you need to get her used to your touch. palm reads, getting her link arms as you walk, then on your command you must isolate her so your both alone and continue talking and flirting.
then when you are getting indicators of interest you need to go in for a kiss. you do this by saying....im trying reallly hard not to kiss you... wait to see if response is inviting... she might say...why dont you?
|
