A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, during a conversation with my wife, she said to me that she has times when she doesn't want to love me, she wants to hate me, and does.That actually hurt me a little, but then she became really uptight when i told her i was hurt by her comment, and said to me sorry in a really forced way, like a backtrack but scripted.I told her so aswell, that i didn't believe her apology and she just didn't care, got even more uptight and started saying how much she changed and that i was asking to much of her. What am i to think here..? Im confused and hurt all in one. [sorry for posting annon, its for a few personal reasons and not something by actual choice] Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, yes it does.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 May 2012):
 I am a moderator, I didnt approve your question but I did see your original title - it wasnt very clear what the question was about. If a user proposes a title like you did, we sometimes change the title to ensure it is clear what the question is about, which helps you get more answers.
We have lots of experience here on DC and we know what makes people read a question, hence why we use our experience to help you get more answers to your question.
Hope that clears it up!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirstly, why does DC offer you the choice to create your own subject then change it anyway?! Rather pointless and made me think i was looking at another question by someone else... Hi, thanks for your replies.I can categorically say, with 100% guarantee, that she is not having an affair, Phoebster103, you seem dead cert she is for some reason, not sure why but no, she isn't, so i won't be needing to look up affair signs, thanks.The conversation was actually a silly giggling type of conversation, telling eachother we loved one-another, and jokingly i said to her, when she told me she loved me;"You sure of that" i smiled at her and then said,"Because i love you too you know"and thats when she dropped the bomb that she has times when she doesn't want to love me, but infact, hates me.Totally out of no where, and the face she had wasn't one of joking, it was of seriousness and the mood changed very quickly.We are both very open with eachother and have had a fair few difficult talks in the past, painful to have but needed, and because we are very open with eachother and if anything, it brought us so much more closer together after a tough time and ever since, we have been like one and stronger than ever, thats mostly her words and words i 100% agree with. We've had no problems for a long while now and nothing that has caused any arguments or moments where we have felt discord to eachother, the conversation was of 2 people being playful with eachother and then that came out.. My reaction was one of stunned..Thanks and sorry for the long reply :)[Mod note: the original title proposed by the OP was this "What Should I Think To This?" I hope this helps.]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): Did you even ask what you have done against her that makes her hate you? I know you were hurt by her comment but she obviously was hurt first by something you did hence her negativity towards you.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (4 May 2012):
 This is a very vague question. What kind of a conversation did you two have that she brought this up? Have you done anything to her that has caused her to wan to hate you? And better yet, have you asked WHY she would say something like that?
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (4 May 2012):
 Well, the man I love most in the world right now is also the man I hate the most. Thin line between love and hate, friend. It's not because you're horrible but because you may have said or done something that cut deeply. As human beings, we tend to be harder on the people we love. We expect to be hurt by strangers, but when we're hurt by loved ones it's a surprising blow. Ok, you were hurt by what she said. How did you tell her that though? What was your tone of voice? She may have taken your words as an attack, as well as you saying that she gave you a fake apology.
I think there's something going on beneath the surface, something you're missing. Is she a woman who holds her feelings back? Who finds it hard to share her emotions? If so, I suggest you give her a little time to gather her thoughts and cool off. But then, take her into your arms (if she tries to pull away, hug her a little tighter, kiss her cheek or forehead). Then, take her hand and really look at her. Say, "Baby, I want to know how you're feeling. What do I say/do that makes you feel that way? I love you, I always want you happy." If she says she doesn't want to talk, just hold her and tell her you'll be there and ready to listen when/if she wants to. If she does talk, don't be accusing or defensive. JUST LISTEN. Let her express herself a little. When she's finished, of course, tell her you're sorry (and mean it) and ten to one, I bet she'll feel sorry too. Sometimes hon, we women just want to listened to. Really listened to. She told you something that hurt you, there's a reason. I honestly don't think that was her intention. I have the feeling that there was something else she wanted to communicate to you...
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): Okay all marriages have its ups and downs with that in mind is she mad over something u did and that's y she's saying things to hurt u or make u feel bad or upset? That's my first guess second an affair? Or maybe she just feels like you don't show her enough attension maybe u should try bring her home something she loves or doing something romantic 4 her maybe she's making herself beleave u don't care or whatever women can be weird sometimes so it kind of tricky just do somethin sweet and c if she lightens up in the face then ull no u need 2 do more things 2 show her u love her and care and 2 say something like that really bothers u!
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female
reader, Phoebster103 +, writes (4 May 2012):
She's probably having an affair. When someone else is involved then those answers start to pop up. Please do me a favor & look up the signs your spouse is having an affair. I hate to be blunt but buddy you need to open your eyes. She shifting the blame on you to avoid her blame of obviously something that's not right. I'll pray for you but it's time to do some research on affairs...believe me it'll get you headed in the right direction. Be strong & this doesn't mean it's true but at least you can get an idea on what's going on.
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