A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello, im a guy whos 16, and had a very close relationship with a friend who was a girl. We were really close, and as we grew closer, i started to like her in a different way, so i tell her how I feel. She says that our friendship was too great to risk a relationship. However since I asked her, she has changed. SHe just doesnt talk to me anymore, and basically isolates me. Also, a 'friend' has now replaced me in her closeness. He's done this before to me. Now a week ago i texted( i m a shy person when it comes to this, and i couldnt speak face to face) and said whether our friendship is over. SHe says it isnt, and its all her fault for isolating me, yet she doesnt talk to me, and I always see her laughing at me, when she is with my "friend". It took a lot of courage to tell her how i feel, adn Ive been bullied fro a while because how my 1st attempt went with this other girl. What do I do?? she meant everything to me, adn im now getting a slight depression when i think about her.
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best friend, bullied, shy, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much :)
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 May 2012):
 I just gave my opinion, OP, but of course you have to follow your heart. Personally , when I have been friendzoned by someone I was in love with, I found it nerve-wrecking and depressing, but maybe you have nerves of steel, and unlimited patience and it won't bother you that much. You know what you can handle, and, in any case, good luck !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell cindy, we started texting again at teh moment, and i see where u r coming from, but i dunno about whether it is the right decision or not
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (5 May 2012):
Ah my friend, only at 16 you can be under the impression that life is fair. It's anything but fair, and a lot of unfair things go on all the time, and much worse than being rejected by your crush .
Which does not mean that life has to be all about pain, disappointment and gnashing of teeth. No no. It can be often happy, fulfilling, gratifyng and always surprising and exciting. As long as you accept what can't be changed - and /or change what can't be accepted.
I think you should opt for the first solution, the other Aunt is for the second. It's a matter of points of view , and after all you are the one who knows the girl best and have better ground to decide if there's a glimmer of hope for you. Personally, I would not bother. You are only 16. There are and there will be tons of other better matches for you- even if right now I am sure this sounds like a blasphemy to you :).
As for your fear of " losing " her totally, well, it's not against the law ,if you want, to e-mail her " hey , I understand what I told you may have freaked you out a bit, that's normal, but- no sweat, it's all cool, I care about our friendship, to me nothing has changed and we can still hang out and be friends , no problem ".
BUT . I would not do it. For the reasons I already pointed out ( why exposing yourself to mental torture ) and, because it's a lie. Nobody can be " just friends " with the person they are in love with. They would use the pretence of friendship just in the hope to eventually get something else ( love ) from their " friend " - it's a friendship based on insincerity..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for replying so fast! cheers, she is not usually shy, in fact she has such a charismatic personality, which makes this even worse. , and cindy, yeah I get your point but its just doesnt seem right to lose her though
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (4 May 2012):
Eh, I bet. It goes to show how hard, impossible I'd say, it is to be friends, or best friends, with someone you've got romantic feelings for, tbh, I don't even understand why people bother to try, friendship and romance are different things for different needs.
what do you do now ? Nothing. You try your best to be wise, you pat yourself on your back for having been brave enough to speak from your heart, you accept that just because you like someone they don't have to like you back, and that she cares about you, but not in " that way ". And that by putting a little distance between you she is doing you a big favour, even if you can't see it now. But imagine how would it be hanging out all the time with the one you are in love, knowing that she does not love you back, and always having to control yourself, to keep in check words and looks and gestures, to talk about math tests or videogames when you want to tell her about your love instead . Always be hung up on a hug or a smile , and turning it over in your mind asking yourself what does it mean , did she smile because she was in a good mood, or maybe just maybe is she starting liking you back?... Or worse, keeping playing buddy-buddy... and having to listen while she confides in you her new crushes and love troubles ! A supplice. I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
The smart thing to do is to roll with the punches. Accept that she is slightly embarassed , because she had to hurt you and she did not want to, and accept that being a little distant right now is the right thing to help you to recoup, to digest your disappointment, and to let your romantic feelings fade away a bit. Maybe, also to take an interest in other girls, ask someone else out, or just make new friends. After which, you can probably, if you wish, be good friends again. But right now,don't pour salt on your wounds.
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A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (4 May 2012):
 Hi,Macho man. You've done first step.That's good.there's always hindrances blocking on the way. don't step back but think what you can do to win her back. Beat that guy! You can DO IT!
seem like she's extreme shy to make first move. so you've to be pro active. Get back your courage &approach her...Can you give me the chance? I'll be glad if you agree
any activities does she joins? pls participate to get her closer& pls talk to her. When's her birthday? Send flowers and a card. Exam coming? ask her if help needed.Hope these be useful. Go..go, Macho man
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