A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend got in touch. What should I do? He sent me a message on Facebook last night. I received it this morning. He asked how I was. I told him I was doing ok and that my flat is nice. Last time we spoke, which was last October, I had only just moved in to my flat and it hadn't been done up. He said he had been doing some gigs recently in my home town, and he bumped in to my brother at one of them. He said that he would like to visit me at my flat tomorrow. He said he is meeting his friend late tomorrow night to discuss another gig, and said he could visit me for a bit before he sees his friend. He said he could meet me at about 8pm. I have mixed feelings about this, and I am wondering what his intentions are. Does anyone think that saying tomorrow is too soon as we have only just spoken today?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 July 2016):
 It sounds like you both tried to be friends, so maybe it is a friendly call? The thing is he is still your ex and it might bring up some old feelings that you might not want to feel. So have a proper think about it and be honest with yourself. If you want to try and be friends with him then there is no harm, and if you feel that it might not be a good idea well then just cancel.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2016): I'm meeting him in a public place tonight. He actually suggested meeting there instead of at my place. He sent me another message today. I'm nervous, but I hope it will go ok. I'm not sure what I will talk about with him.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 July 2016):
 I don't see why he should invite himself over at your place, after 9 months you had not even been in touch. I mean, a bit cheeky. Presumptuous.
If he really was eager to see you again for a nice catch up and a stroll down memory
lane, why did he not ask you out for drinks or dinner ?..
Tht would have been the most appropriate thing to do- and also that ,IMO, would have come most natural.
My skeptical take on this is that , either he would not mind " rekindling the fire "- a little shag between 8 P.M. and his later appointment will do just fine. Or, he is bored AND broke, and hanging out at an ex's place , and maybe scrounging a couple of drinks is a convenient , unexpensive choice for killing time when you are in another town.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (8 July 2016):
 He basically invited himself over to your place. So the question now is, do you want to meet him? If it's a no, then just tell him that you're busy. If you do want to meet him, there are a lot of variables the picture. Do you have a boyfriend? Are you willing to start things up again with the ex if that's what he wants? Why exactly did you break up with him in the first place?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2016): The answer is an absolute NO!!!! If it will trigger any kind of emotions that aren't good. Be it longing for him, grief, or any confusion as to how you still feel about him.
If you were totally okay, you wouldn't have written a post.
I say, let him pass through. Limit contact on Facebook or you'll find yourself stalking him. Doing gigs, meaning he's in, out, and around. He'll leave you in turmoil.
Sweetie, leave well enough alone! Don't open that door! I mean that literally!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 July 2016):
 It's kind of hard to answer this when you leave out vital parts, like... do you have a BF? Do you still have feelings for him? Do you really WANT to met up?
Instead of having him stop by your place (which might not be a great idea) why not meet him for coffee/tea nearby?
Or if you really DO NOT want to meet up, tell him sorry, I'm busy - not home or I don't really want to met up with you.
He is an ex for a reason.
Personally, I would NOT have him come into your home if you feel iffy about things as they are. So I'd met him for a beer,coffee/tea whatever OUTSIDE of your place.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 July 2016):
 Firstly, you should never meet an ex in private.
Secondly, it's very rare for it to be a good idea to meet an ex.
I don't think you should. Say you appreciate his well-wishes, but that you're moving on with your life and you're leaving the past where it should be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2016): We met when I did voluntary work in the place he worked in. We only date for four months, but we had known each other for five months before that, and we stayed friends for five months after we broke up. I was in hospital for three months after we broke up . He visited me. A couple of months later, I met someone else first, and then he said he had met someone. He hasn't said whether he is with anyone now, and hadn't asked if I am with anyone. I am single.
He lives in a different part of town to where I live, but it is the same town.It was very upsetting towards the end up until we last spoke. I am doing a lot better now, so I hope I wont get hurt if we meet. It would be nice to try meeting him and see if we can be friends. I'm not sure if I would want anything else. We might get along better now .
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (7 July 2016):
You don't say if you have a current boyfriend? If you do you should speak to them about it. Is your ex with someone? Again if so be very very cautious.
What were the circumstances of your break up? How long were you together? It's hard to advise on the little bit of info you provide here really. When he says he's in your home town, does he live a way away? I ask because if he didn't live far away there may be no rush on this decision as to meet him again.
So you think he wants to rekindle? More importantly do you? What would be your motivation to meet up? And if it is worth a hope of reconciliation, think carefully, will it set your healing back? Is it worth the risk?
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