A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 and 7 months pregnant, my bf is 18 and both of our parents were shocked yet understanding when they heard the news. My mom and step dad have offered to help us in any wya they can. But last night I over heard my mom talking to a friend of hers saying that she was excited that "She was going to get the chance to be a mom again" and that the baby would be staying with them. Yes, I asked for help, thinking she could help out so I could finish school and stuff like that. My bf and I want to be parents and will do our best. What should I say to her and can she legally try to keep my baby???? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 March 2009):
 Many people my age are excited and anxious to be Grandparents. I think it is likely that this is what your mother was expressing. She may be making plans ahead of you a bit. Perhaps she is thinking she will be able to care for the baby 6 hours a day while you are in school. That would be a lot more baby time than the average grandmother gets. Having a big and, more importantly, happy family is very helpful in raising successful children. Do keep on mom's good side. It is a very good sign that your mom is excited and accepting. The alternative happens all too often.
FA
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (18 March 2009):
 I don't think you should worry about your mother taking away your baby as "her own" legally. She will not do that, unless you asked her to do that.
You have grown attached to your baby inside you, and of course you are scared that you will not be a mother to him/her. I would think that this is understandable.
I think what your mother is excited about the actual "concept" of being a mother, i.e. waking up in the middle of the night to feed or change diapers (so you can continue to sleep and be ready for school), to enjoy the gurgles and burps and vomits (lol) that babies do when they are awake, to go to the park and enjoy the sun and fresh air (while you are at school), and so forth.
What will happen, of course, that you and your mother have small arguments on how you raise or look after the baby. With each generation gap, there will always be a difference in the way mothers see or practice looking after babies (or raising children).
What should you say to your mother? Tell her that you love her, and you thank her for helping you out with looking after the baby while you are in school. Tell her that her help may still be needed (so she can prolong her being a "mommy" again) when you go to college. Tell her that as a mother, you will not be able to apart from your child for more than half a day (or a day). Tell her that she will always be the best grandmother your baby will ever have in the world. Without so much as saying the word "legal" she will get your message. But most of all, tell her you love her and hug her!
Congratulations on your upcoming baby!
Cat
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 March 2009):
 No she cannot legally try and take the baby away from you unless she has concrete proof that you are not a fit mother, and only in severe cases would a judge rule to take the baby away from its natural mother. She would have to have proof that you were doing drugs, abusing the child, or something awful along those lines on order to get custody of the baby. So I dont think you have anything to worry about here.
With regards to what you heard her say, I think you need to confront her with this. Explain calmly that you overheard her conversation, and you are not happy with the part where she said she cant wait to be a mum again. Tell her you really appreciate the help she is offering but you want to be a mum to your baby, and that you want her role to purely be that of a grandma. She needs to understand that you and your boyfriend are really going to try and make this work with your new baby, and that you will do your best to bring up the child. Tell her she will be a very important part in the child's life but she will not be the baby's mum.
If she doesnt accept this then maybe you need to talk to your step-father, men tend to be more rational than women when it comes to babies and he may be able to talk to your mum and help her to understand that she is not going to be the mother of this baby.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (18 March 2009):
 Tell her that you over heard her and tell her that although you asked for help you don't want her to take over. Tell her that you are the mum and she is the nana! As long as you are managing and looking after you baby she has no authority to take away the baby! X
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