A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a ridiculous predicament - my boyfriend is a wonderful guy to me, he will do anything to please me. Of course he has his negatives (as does everyone) but he is just so caring, supportive and loving to me... yet I just can't reciprocate. I don't show him enough affection, I don't always enjoy his presence and sometimes I wonder if I'm better off without him... I'm just terrified I will never find someone as caring as him later on in life. I'm still young, we've been in this relationship for over a year so maybe I am just scared of commitment? The spark has been gone for quite some time as well. Maybe it's because he cares too much and I feel overwhelmed...He's starting to get upset because I don't show I care as much, except to me it just feels like he's being very clingy. To be honest, I'm uncertain of my feelings, yet the other night we almost broke up and it was so painful - the thought of not having him kills me, even though I often wonder whether I should break it off with him because I can't show him the care he needs/wants.Thoughts?
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 You're facing the classic female dillema of loving the attention and devotion from a nice guy, while craving the excitement and unpredictability of a bad boy.
The fact that he shows you that he cares is actually making him a sure thing, and it's killing your physical attraction to him. Weird, I know, but it's the way it is. The "spark" women talk about is just a euphamism for the feelign of being with a man who has options, and could walk away from her but chooses not to.
If you leave him, then in all likelihood you will have a series of bad relationships with bad guys - you'll be attracted to them but feel unloved. Maybe you'll be the exception, but I've seen too many girls leave nice guys to go down that exact path, claiming every step of the way, "That won't happen to me!" I've heard of exceptions, but never met one.
The solution is to work with him the way couples should, to better yourselves. Help him to become more confident, assertive, in control of his emotions - you know, masculine. Talk to him about it. When he behaves in a manly, attractive fashion, you have to reward him immediately with displays of feminine devotion and physical interest.
Help him to understand that compliments are like currency: they're more valuable when the supply is carefully controlled. One hundred random "I love you"'s will never have the same effect as one well-placed, heartfelt "You look stunning." Let him know that when the normal fights between couples happen, he needs to take the time to make his forgiveness sincere, to agree with you because he believes you are right, and not to do either one quickly just because he wants you to feel better.
Bring out the best in each other.
A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (7 January 2011):
 It is unethical and selfish to be with someone only to receive. Half of happines lays in giving and apparently you cannot give him what he wants:love. Let him go to find a girl who will give him what he deserves and do your self a favor too to try find someone that you can reciprocate his love. Do't let yourself get trapped in a dead end relationship.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (7 January 2011):
 It is possible for someone to be too clingy. People show affection in different ways, and a highly affectionate person mixed with someone who is not as affectionate can lead to a situation like the one you find yourself in.
Can you compromise? Can you find a way to meet him half way? You need to explain to him that being as highly affectionate as him just isn't who you are, but you want to make an effort because you love him. At the same time, if he loves you for who you are, he shouldn't expect you to change because this IS part of who you are. You can also tell him that you love the affection, but at times it is too much for you, and you will likely never be on that same level with him.
There is nothing wrong with either of you. It's just your personalities. You can talk this through, just do your best to keep it as a conversation rather than a fight.
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A
male
reader, Aminu  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 One thing with us is dat, we don't to know the value of a person until we lose him. So be careful with ur atitudes toward ur boyfriend. If u don't love him anymore just try and let him know, so dat he can go and get somebody who can love him back. Life goes on
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