A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi i don't really know how to start this but ill start here. I used to have this really good friend (best friend) who was a girl. We used to hangout all the time and each time would be amazing. I often thought of it as love at the time. Well one day i opened up to her and thought we should take our relationship to the next level and date. She felt the same way but was scared it would ruin our friendship if anything happened in the relationship if we broke up. I knew that nothing could of ruined what could of been. After i tried to talk to her a few times i realized maybe we should just be friends. Eventually i started dating a real nice girl. And immediately after that our friendship went down hill. My girlfriend hated my best-friend from jealousy that she would take me away. But i knew nothing was going to happen. We ended up not talking for months and i started thinking of her again and we talked and i found out she really wanted to be with me. But i was so far in my other relationship i felt i couldn't do anything. Two years past of no communication i thought of her everyday. The relationship i am in is fighting everyday, jealousy and controlling. I do love my girlfriend i dont know if im in love with her. But im in love with my old best friend. And i talked to her and she said to me that her life just started getting better from the pain i put her through from my jealus girlfriend who made me stay away. She misses me tho and doesnt know if shes can handle me right now. But i love her so much and i dont know what i should do. I know she loves me two and has said she regretted not dating me. Please help me find the answer of what i should do.Thank You.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (5 September 2009):
 It seems like you are being torn apart by two women. One who wants to be more for you than just a best friend, and the other that wants to be more than just a girlfriend.
One wants you to be intimate with her, and the other wants you to be her closest confidant.
If you could merge both of them together you might have something great going on.
Now on to your girlfriend first. Your girlfriend is extremely jealous of your best friend. She doesn't trust you or her, and so your girlfriend is constantly fighting with you and bickering with you.
Your best friend is in a great deal of pain because she does in fact love you, but she's afraid to go any farther than just a friendship.
Therefore, what you need to do is make peace between these two women. In order to do that, you have to try and get it through their individual heads that you love them both, they both love you, but only one of them is going to be your mate and the other one's going to be your friend.
Your girlfriend has to learn to trust your best friend. Period. If she can't, then she's hurting everyone including herself.
That's simply the fact of life here.
Now how do you get the girlfriend to go with this plan? Its simple. The girlfriend has to learn to be secure in her relationship with you. That means you have to be close to her, intimate with her, and loving with her. She has to know she's the one you want to be with and that your best friend is just that, a friend whom you trust.
If your girlfriend can't handle that, then maybe she ought to mature a little more before getting into a relationship with any guy. Because .... guys go out into the world and in the world people have to work with men and women in all sorts of fields. And if your girlfriend's jealous of your best friend, she's going to be jealous of co-workers, the girl behind the counter at Wendy's and any other female you encounter in your every day life.
That's the plain and simple truth.
I wish you luck.
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