A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Married 45 yrs-I can`t do anything right for wife anymore..No sexual relations now for 2 years--I`m not interested !! We constantly argue over unimportant things.I've tried very hard to keep the marriage going but I`m losing any motivation to go on...1. Nobody else involved2. No money worries3. Grown up children and grandchildren who we both love very muchTime for me to go...where...I can't keep this situation going !!!!
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (9 June 2011):
It takes two to argue. Do you know why you argue with her over things that are unimportant? Have you asked her what she thinks you could do in order to make your marriage better? Have you asked her what she thinks she could be doing better? Have you spoken to her about the things that you want to be different in your marriage? Marriage counselling is an option, there are others too, but good communication is a good start.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): hi- I'm not going to try to suggest ways for you to save your marriage because that wasn't your question, and because it's painfully clear that (a)you've already tried everything you can and you've got nothing left to give, (b) you've made up your mind that you need to leave this marriage and you have every right to feel this way.
so what if you've got 45 years of marriage behind you, that doesn't change the present, you can't let the past prevent you from making necessary changes in the present to improve the future.
steps to leave this marriage:
1. decide if you want a trial separation (if you think you might still change your mind in the future but just need a break for now, indefinitely), a legal separation, or a divorce.
2. get a lawyer and talk to them about what is involved if it's a legal separation or divorce that you want. These days there are also "divorce counselors" instead of lawyers who can help you through the process.
3. Make temporary alternate living arrangements. See if you can find a cheap apartment or if you have a friend who will let you stay with them for a few weeks. I suggest not moving in with other family members because they may be uncomfortable "taking sides" and getting involved in your marriage breakdown if they are also on good terms with your wife, and they may pressure you to go back to her or she may use them to try and influence you to stay in the marriage.
4. tell your wife. I think you should talk to the lawyer and have your plans set for where you will stay, before you talk to your wife. This is so that when you talk to her you are informed about the process that you want to implement and you can move out immediately.
5. Move out as soon as you inform her.
6. Once you've made up your mind to leave, stick to your guns and don't give in to begging from your wife or pressure from other family members to stay. bear in mind that your wife may suddenly "change" when faced with the very real scenario of you actually leaving her. Don't fall for it. You've been trying to save your marriage for a long time and she didn't change then, and look at the state you're in now. if she changes now, it's likely to just be temporary to get you to stay, and then the marriage will go back to what it was. Once you've decided to leave, you need to leave and not let this drag on, enough is enough.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): Hi
Could just be discontent! which does mean things need to change, maybe for both of you but together. Is there no glimmer of hope? is there anyway that you can put a new energy and zest for life into this marriage.
Hope is important and new avenues may be there for both of you...but it takes 'both' to bring this back to life, the desire and will to do so. If hope is not there then yes i would walk but not until you have tried.
Don't get bogged down by life and the mundane try new adventures together, do things you have never done before.
spunky monkey
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A
male
reader, freeme  +, writes (8 June 2011):
 Your a hero making a marriage last that long. 45 years puts you at least about 65 years old?
At 65 there are medical conditions which could contribute to mood disorders. I would discuss this with your wife, and a Doctor to find out if that is a possibility.
And all the other advice others have given you applies here as well.
You two still have many good years ahead of you. Find a way to enjoy them!
"Will you still need me, will you still feed me..." Sir Paul.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 June 2011):
 Have you guys had a doctor check you out? Sometimes medications can all sorts of weird side effects. Have you sat down together and discussed the reasons for the constant bickering? I mean man, 45 years together you must have something going for you, explore all the possibilities before you give up. Marriage counseling at least.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): Before walking out of this relationship, just do the following for a week & see how you feel, then decide.
1. Make & give her breakfast in bed
2. Give her a shoulder & head massage
3. Give her a flower & a card
4. Take her out for a movie & dinner
5. Look at your wedding pictures/video together
6. Hug her in front of your kids & grandkids
What Im trying to say is genuinely try to make HER happy for 1 week without putting yourself first.and see how she responds. Only a happy person can keep others happy.maybe she is too stressed out & tired & uniterested in life.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (8 June 2011):
 Have you tried or suggested marriage counseling?
Does SHE want sex and you dont?
Have you grown apart? Are you interested in her at ALL as a person and wanting to grow back together?
What are YOU willing to do to work on improoving your marriage besides suffering thru it?
If she thinks you do things "wrong" what would be "right"?
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