A
female
age
36-40,
*reamflower
writes:I just recently started spending more and more time with a certain somebody. He a guy, and I am a girl (duh). He is a few years older than me and has an adorable son. The thing is, I'm not sure if either of us cares enough about the other to build a relationship. And I'd rather figure it out as opposed to just allowing us to be in this half-way stage. I don't really want kids right now, or anytime soon for that matter, and I'm not really done being young yet. I get the feeling he is trying to enter the next stage of his life (i.e. resposibilty, sobriety, discipline) and I'm just NOT. We are VERY attracted to each other, get along well, and haven't experienced any problems...YET. He often encourages me to also get sober, which I think is a great idea, but it really should be my own descision. He's not rude or anything, but I noticed that when we were getting drunk together, he was a bit overly affectionate...as in grabbing me a bit too much. I told him to back off and he did, but he kind of sulked around for a bit after that. I feel like he wants me to worship him, and I refuse to do that. I could be with him, maybe even love him, but he just hasn't proven himeslf beyond that.What should I do? Leave him in the dust, or keep trying (for the record, I haven't been trying SUPER hard to keep him around)? In the meantime we continue to have sex about once a week. He already introduced me to his son, friends, and roomates. How does he see me? Can someone point me in the right direction?
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (9 June 2008):
 You obviously have doubts and are not quite sure what to do. If you are happy to keep things as they are then there is not harm as long as you both know where you stand. He seems happy with the arrangement too apart from maybe trying to change you.
The biggest thing that stands out for me is that you are not ready for children yet, does that mean you are also not ready to take on his child fully. The son could get attached so for his sake if its just casual you should keep it just between you and your fella as the last thing you want is the little one getting hurt. If you are at different phases in life then you should maybe let him go x
A
female
reader, aunty chrissie  +, writes (9 June 2008):
 I think you have answered the question yourself, because you are having doubts then you are not ready for what he is. if you really want to continue seeing him then make it only occasional, but definatly go and live your life you will know when mr. right comes along. aunty chrissie. good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): Ok. He sounds like nothing more than a fuck buddy. You're not ready to settle down and it sounds like you dont want to. Yet. So enjoy yourself and be careful not to lead him on. A relationship should not start out as " I could love him." It should be "I do love him" I would say leave him alone and go drink and live it up. Because thats what you're gonna do anyway. If you leave him now, then maybe nobodys feelings will be involved. Hope it helps.
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