A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:She usually sends erotic messages to him right when he gets out of work. They are co-workers, so she knows his schedule. I found out she was sending him dirty stories about themselves and ones she would make up. How I found out was that she would be sending these while I was around her and would continue when I left. We spend a lot of our free time together, so it was easy to see something was going on. When I found out I confronted her and she first lied to me and told me she didn't talk to this guy that way. She said it was something new and she didn't have any feelings for the guy. So I tried to make some changes to get her attention back onto me. She kept doing it and I confronted her again. She lied again and said she wanted to try to understand this guy better since he doesn't reveal much about himself to her. She stopped for a while and then started again, this time leaving him erotic voicemails. What should I do? I was thinking on giving her some space to fiqure out what she wants, but I know I don't want to lose her. Suggestions?
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co-worker, phone sex, sex with another Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Ifyoudontmind +, writes (25 August 2009):
You have to ask yourself is flirtation infidelity? honestly, does it hurt .. yes.Is it fair? no, but is it hurting anyone, and if it never leads to anything is it bad?Tell her she isnt worth your time if she needs attention in that fashion, or flip the table and start sending her sex messages. Maybe she needs that kind of taboo excitement. -IYDM
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): try what celestial said.. and ask her if she loves you.. if she doesnt, just dump her. dont wasteyour time. your a great guy for giving her a chance. youll get another girl. if she says she does then tell her how the phone sex hurts you. and her lying about. if she does it again pull the plug... for good!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 August 2009):
 Ask her how she would feel if you did the same thing. If it didn't bother her at all, she just isn't that into you. IF it bothers her she is being unfair.. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): She's a massive flirt! Ask her to do that for you and if she won't, then ask her why.
I think she gets off doing this because she thinks it makes you more attractive in a certain sense of the word. In other words the other man has qualities that she wishes you had, and so she does the dirty talk with him and then runs back to you.
Its that simple.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 Giving her some space, I find, is a very mature way to deal with this situation.
Show her that she's free to make her own decisions for her life. If you make her feel like she's in a prison, she'll do like a prisoner and try to escape.
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A
male
reader, celestial +, writes (25 August 2009):
Tell her she's hurting you. And you cannot understand why she needs another man to be mentally/sexually aroused with. Ask her if she still love you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): Dump her.
Im sorry she lies and she is having phone sex with another guy. Why do you not want to lose her she is not worth having . Oh and you dont actually have her because her affection is being focused on someone else.
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