A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so, this summer I met this amazing girl, who, as it turned out, was a lesbian. She developed a crush on me - everyone knew about it even though nothing was ever said. She would stop and stare at me as I walked past, get incredibly nervous when I was near her, and would try to get my attention by pretending to bump into or run away from me when I was behind her. It was very obvious and I honestly quite liked the attention.Anyway, there came a point where she wanted to take things further (up to this point I'd been sort of ignoring her; we came from different friendship groups anyway) and she came and sat in the seat next to me when I was sitting with my friends. I was so scared, even though I really liked her, and couldn't bring myself to talk to her, at all. In the end, she made some sort of sarcastic comment about the weather and left, clearly hurt. I felt so, so bad for treating her like this, especially seeing as I liked her and had just managed to give her the opposite impression.After that, she stopped doing all the things she'd been doing before. She actually acted like she disliked me and completely avoided me. The last day we were together, she came to say goodbye, though; and I could tell she still had feelings for me. But still I was afraid that something had been lost, because she acted like she couldn't wait to get away from me, and also treated me with a sort of levity when she talked to me, as if I didn't mean anything to her.We live in different countries and I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I'm a lesbian/bisexual, but I just can't stop thinking about her and what could have been. There's a chance that we'll be going back to the same place this summer, but it's not for sure, as she might want to get a job elsewhere. The thought of never seeing her again breaks my heart... I want to talk to her on Facebook, but I'm afraid it's too late and I've lost my chance with her. Which I recognise is totally my own fault :/What do you think I should do?!
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crush, different countries, facebook, lesbian Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe problem is, as far as I know, she never officially came out to anyone (her Facebook status is still "Interested in Men"), so she might find it a bit offensive that I jumped straight to the conclusion that she was hitting on me. Also, I'm not really sure where I stand on this - I don't know if I want to pursue a long-distance relationship; after all, we barely know each other, and I'm not even sure if I'm sexually attracted to her! Plus, wouldn't she be kind of outraged at me for coming out of the blue after she'd moved on and left me firmly in her past, especially as I don't really know what I want from her? All I know is that I'd like to establish some sort of connection, become friends (as best you can over the internet) and maybe apologise for the way I behaved towards her during the summer. Given all the things I have said, do you still think I should get into contact?
A
male
reader, Lies  +, writes (7 October 2012):
Well I recommend you contact her RIGHT AWAY. Sure it may be on the verge of no return, but to leave it like this will scar her...or the both of you. Confess without suppression. Tell her how you feel, and most importantly decide on who you are. If you are lesbian, bi sexual, bi curious or straight you have to explain it to her. Do you want to be her friend? Her girlfriend?
Remember that she doesn't know if you like her or not, and the more time she goes away from you, the less she will remember about you. Also, do not forget that if she has a crush on you, it would most likely be painful.
Good luck
Lies
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (5 October 2012):
 If you live in different countries, then i wouldn't hold out much hope of a relationship working,as LDRs generally have a lot of problems and do not last. But you can learn from this experience so that you don't make the same mistake with the next girl :-)
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A
female
reader, AuntyAunt +, writes (4 October 2012):
 If you want to pursue this the only thing you can do is talk to her, if your only way of doing this is through facebook, then do it! Do you have her mobile number? if not, ask for it on facebook. I'd call her as it shows her you are actually willing to talk to her / have a conversation. I don't think your chances are gone yet. Just contact her as soon as possible! I'm sure she'll be thrilled about it.
Best of luck to you both!
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