A
female
age
41-50,
*onfusedwife30
writes:I am married to what I think is a serial cheater.We have been together 7 years married for 4 years.Once caught him on sex dating websites, with hidden email accounts and we put an end to it and communicated on what and why he did it and some of his needs he wanted that I didn't know about.We were getting along great (we have 2 kids together, each a child from previous, and one on the way in january) Found out I was pregnant in May (planned) and he freaked out saying we would never have fun again together.We have had our ups and downs.I found a girl messaging his phone they both said she had the wrong number and he said he has never sent pics or anything.I gave him the benefit of the doubt. we had a huge blowout in august and were finally getting along again very well.Then I found his profile as a single male on a swinger site by accident. confronted him and he said he was sorry, hadn't been on it in awhile and couldn't remember the password but would delete it. I asked him if he had any other email accounts and he said no. I emailed the site as him asking for the password so I could delete myself since he hadn't and found he had 3 other email accounts where he had 4 different sex dating websites profiles, pics of himself, as single and one as us living together but not married.He had numerous emails and IMs to girls one being the girl in his phone, with pics of himself that i have never even seen. some messages were planning on hooking up and some really hurt saying i miss talking to someone as beautiful as you, and hey sexy how was your day. i have always told him he was hot, want to have sex with all the time and tried to give him everything he has ever wanted. So he can't say that is why he does this. i confronted him on all of it and he got mad, said delete it, stop reading it, stop snooping, he is sorry, has never actually met anyone just this stuff, he gives me his word he won't do it again and we need to try to forget it to be happy again if possible. Or i divorce him, my choice. he hates talking about it but agreed he needs counseling. he has always hated lying and his word was always good to trust but now i can't and don't know what to do. he started a;; this again a month after i became pregnant. so confused right now.
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (5 October 2012):
 I think you are in a very bad position, unfortunately.
Some men, once they are busted, come clean and never cross that line again. With your husband, though, I suspect he enjoys the thrill of the chase and likes variety. One woman isn't enough and I don't think he is ever going to change.
Sadly, I think your options are limited here.
Either you continue to fight the good fight (and lose, ultimately) or you decide that you've had enough.
I do believe your husband has a lying problem as well as potentially a sex addiction. Have you considered going to couple's therapy? Has he considered getting help on his own? And finally, did he cheat on his previous girlfriend(s)? Have you considered getting rid of your household internet connection?
The writing was on the wall on this relationship from the get go and hopefully you'll wake up and take action. You are putting yourself at physical risk (STD's) as well as emotional risk... especially if he decides to leave you behind for his new sex pal.
Please seek help, even if for yourself.
Eddie
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 October 2012):
 Let's look at this phrase in your submittal: "...he has always hated lying and his word was always good to trust ..."
If you are gullible enough to actually believe this... then you ARE prepared to live your life in despair and futility with this guy.... HOW MUCH MORE do you need to see in order to understand that this guy doesn't care a whit about you?????? ..... and that the only roadmap to your mental survival is to get away from him.... quickly and far????
Good luck. You "sound" like you have done nothing to "earn" this abuse from this creep....
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A
female
reader, confusedwife30 +, writes (4 October 2012):
confusedwife30 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo i have been asked why I would have a baby with him if I knew he was a serial cheater. I didn't know he was til this recently happened again. We had been together for 5 years before the first incident happened and we had already had 2 boys. At that time i thought it was because we had no communication on what we wanted or needed from each other cuz after that happened and we talked it out we got along great with nothing else happening hence the 4th baby. He has never cheated on his other relationships and was always honest with me up until the first incident. I am just assuming he is a serial cheater since this is the 2nd time its happening in 7 years.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (4 October 2012):
 My ex husband is a serial cheater. I was his first wife, he had another woman pregnant and got remarried 6 weeks after our divorce. He is now 50 and has been married/divorced 5 times. He has cheated on every wife. He has ALWAYS had someone on the side. The minute he gets divorced, he gets married again. They never change, sweetie. I agree that its sad that you are having a child with him but it doesn't mean that you have to stay married to him! You must think of your unborn child and your own health. Please go get tested. Your husband could be giving you far more than just emotional pain. I'm sorry for you, I truly know from experience how you feel. I hope that you will gather up the courage to leave this man and make a new life for yourself and your children. You deserve far better than what this man can offer.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAunt  +, writes (4 October 2012):
 I'm sorry, but I really don't think your husband is going to change. You deserve so much better than this, there are people out there who would treat you 100 times better. Think about your children too, how is seeing you in an unhealthy relationship with this man going to benefit them in any way?
Move on with your life! This isn't good for anyone involved and I'm positive that if you stay together your situation will only get worse because of the amount of chances you've given him in the past. Please leave him, you can do better.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (4 October 2012):
 My best friend's ex husband is a serial cheater. Left his first wife for his second wife, and left his second wife for his now third wife. If she's smart she wont get pregnant, because his cheating seems to be centered around his inability to handle the natural change in the relationship when children come along.
Your husband isn't going to change, no matter how many hoops you jump through to try and make him happy. He is just going to continue to make false apologies and excuses for his behavior, because he has ALWAYS gotten by with it. He doesn't deserve any more chances from you.
You don't want to spend the rest of your life like this, married to a man who doesn't have any respect for you or your marriage vows. Mandy is right, you need a real man who will love you, and be faithful, both physically AND emotionally.
It's time to show this man the door.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (4 October 2012):
There is something I am very curious about. You seem to have known this man is a serial cheater, so instead of getting him out of your life, you do the opposite and have a child with him, ensuring now that he will always be in your life until the day you die.
Really, I would love an explanation for this, bc I sure dont get it right now.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (4 October 2012):
 HI
I'm sorry to say but he will never change. He has constantly repeated his actions in regaurds to these sites, and you have repeatedly forgiven him and moved on which in turn is letting him know what ever he does your going to talk about it, give him the benefit of the doubt and carry on. Personally I would show him the nearest exit and find yourself a REAL man who knows how to treat the woman in his life. It doesn't matter if he meets with these women or not, his lying and it's still cheating. I don't think it's your fault at all so if he try's to point the blame of the realationship failure on you , you can walk with your head high, his the one who is taking advantage of not only you but these other unsuspecting women. I don't trust him when he say's his not met with any women and would go to the nearest STD clinic and get myself checked out if I were you, you have a unborn child to think about, and if he has passed anthing on to you it will effect the health and saftey of your unborn child. I think his a dirty rat that don't deserve anything other than to be on his own and find out one day he will be a very lonely man whom no one will want to associate themselfs with if they have any dignity for themself .
Mandy xx
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