A
female
age
51-59,
*inda130672
writes:Well I feel kind of silly asking strangers for help but I don't know what else to do or who else to ask.I was a single parent for a couple of years when I met my current partner, at first it seemed like the ideal relationship, he showed interest and love towards my son and I. I moved in with him and everthing seemed to change. He makes every effort with me but none with my son. Don't get my wrong he helps to provide for my son and on the odd occasion he will babysit him, but on the other hand he treats him like crap. He never spends any time with him, he calls him "the child" he said he's spoilt and rude and never shows him any affection. He criticises everything he does and nothing he does is right. He forgets he is only 4 years old. I have told my partner he is too quick to punish him for doing things a normal 4 year old would do but will never credit him for doing things right. On the way home from nursery the other day my son told me that he wishes we stayed alone and that Paul makes him unhappy. I don't know what to do???? I do love my partner more than I have loved anyone else but I love my son more!! I am not sleeping at night and find myself crying a lot when alone. I have tried talking to him but he is a very stubborn and opinionated man. If we left we would be homeless, with nothing. What should I do?????????
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (28 February 2009):
 I have been in a similar situation. The first thing to remember is that it is actually not personal: Paul has a problem with your son because he is another man's child. Men do have this problem. Really quite a lot of men find it v hard to accept a partner's son, whereas they have no problem with a daughter.
To be honest, I think you should investigate yr options and work towards being independent, on your own. I've done that, and to be honest, although money was v tight, it was pretty much the happiest I've been!
I know it seems scary, but honestly, the simple joy you will get from just being able to be a loving mother to your son without hearing bad things about him and having to protect him all the time is so refreshing. And anyhow, you may well meet someone else - but really check him out big time with your son before you let him get close ...
Go on. Be strong. It will be much easier than the current situation, I think.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (28 February 2009):
 You answered your own question. You love your boyfriend but you love your son MORE! Problem solved! You do what is right for you and your son. Your son has even told you that your partner makes him unhappy. He's at a very critical age right now and continuing to live with this man will damage your son psychologically in the future.
You live in the UK so you can even apply to go homeless and they will find a place for you to live. If you can't get a council house then go for a private let! The social will pay most of your rent for you. Trust me, you'll be fine. Your son is the most important person in your life right now and his future is in YOUR hands. You don't need to break things off with your boyfriend, just tell him you want to take the relationship at a slower pace and feel that getting your own place right now is best for everyone.
Once you move your son will come on heaps and bounds. You can still date this guy but you'll see positive changes in your son's wellbeing. Who knows, your boyfriend might even grow to like him more.
~Eve~
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