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male
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*arkkav
writes: me and my wife have separated twice now and because of my verbal anger problem as well as the first time we separated i got involved with a women witch was the icing on the cake for us spliting that time.at the time i was 28 the other women was 41.it took 6 months for my wife to ask me back and i did straight away because i new i loved her still and this other women had to many different goals and things in life that i didnt wont.then only 3 months ago we separated again,since then even though we were separated we were great and she didnt even want to consider other guys in her life all she wanted was to consintrate on her job and our son and time to her self.just before x mas she had spent a friday night at my house and everything was fantastic and she had a work barbecue the next day,on that next tuesday she came for dinner and told me she kissed this guy and wasnt shore if she wanted to do anything more with him.that sat we watched our son play sport and i had told her im still madly in love with you can we please work on things as i had been going to counciling for a while and have made heaps of changes to myself which she could see in me,she had said she needs to make a discision on what she wants to do in her life.the next day when i took my son back she told me she went out with him again the night before and kissed again.i was destoyed since then she has introduced him to her family on x mas day had spent the night at his house and slept with him and have been going out ever since.i went over there and had showed her all the study i had been doing to save our marriage but instead she had said to me i want you to let me go,but i cant because i no she is the one for me and she is rushing into all of this, and i no she cant just forget me just like that after 10 years. it has been 3 weeks with this guy now and she is saying she wants to try this with him and she is happy at the moment. i still want my wife back and have told her i love u deeply and i respect you want to try this because i did the same thing but it was a mistake,but she seems to think she is not making a mistake.i cant get her out of my head noing she is with him and having our son see him all the time too.now the thing with this guy is he has been married twice and divorced and has 3 kids and he is 38 when my wife is 26,and i no she is making the same mistake i did.i have told her i love her and am going to be here for her and am going to wait but everytime i say these things ,she gets uncomfortable and mad because she hates having to here it all the time.the other thing to is the other day she was really sick and she had called me i went there straight away and was with her for 2 days ,she was really bad and we had slept in her bed together but i stayed fully clothed then we had a shower together with nothing sexual about it,i was just there for her and was awake for 28 hours straight making sure she was alright.she thanked me so much the next day when she was better and it meant so much to me,she had said he couldnt have looked after me because we are not at that stage yet and that really hurt,she had even told him when he came over to see her that i had seen her naked in the shower and i had stayed over but not in her bed,she didnt want to lie to him she rekens which is fine. and now she has also agreed to make love with me one last time as well.so i just pray and hope she is confused.what i wont to no is is she making a mistake because of the age difference and his track record and because it is only early days for them she thinks everything is fine. i love her soooooo much and i dont want her to get to involved with him because i dont wont her to get hurt,but i will be there for her when she falls,to pick her up.its just so hard waiting for if and when it doesnt work out with them.hellllllllppppppppppppp
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2006): Sorry this hurts you so much but this is none of your business, Dear. Stay out of it.
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (6 March 2006):
 Exactly what does this have to do with you?
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A
female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (8 January 2006):
She is your EX and firmly in the past. If you loved her so much and you were meant to be, you would still be a couple.
Its her life and although you say its hard waiting for the if and when it doesnt work out, be in no doubt, you are not the one she will turn to for love and sex. In her mind, she's been there, done that, got the tee-shirt and gave it to a charity shop.
You split up for a reason and that reason hasnt gone away enough to get you back as a couple. The best you can do now is to start meeting other women and living a new life.
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A
male
reader, flipdrew +, writes (8 January 2006):
 She is no longer your responsibility. Be happy that she found someone that makes her happy. She's a big girl and can make her own decisions now. Your time to stand up for her and protect her was over with the signing of the divorce papers. Worry about yourself now, and how you are going to avoid making your own relationship mistakes. You don't need to worry about her relationships. You need to focus on making sure that yours are going to be soild from now on so you don't become a repeat offender with another bad marriage
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