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male
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*olfman
writes: My wife and I have been seperated for 4 months now. I met her in her country 4 years ago. We married 16 months ago in Australia and have a son. We decided to live in Australia for several years and then maybe move to her country. She couldn't find a job here and was homesick often. She didn't like my family and banned them from seeing our son. She wanted to split with me she says because she hates the lifestyle here and is not attracted to me anymore. I love her and I think she loves me. I am terrible at conversation and she points that out to me all the time. She always is with the name callings and threats to lose my son. She says I don't do anything to help her. I have asked what she wants from me. I have been a great father to my son. She says she is tired of doing most things around the house and sick of being bored. This coming from someone who does not want new friends. She wants things to be different and better. She says she probably is unrealistic wanting the movie fantasy marriage. I think she is unrealistic. I told her I will try to improve as a husband but now she says I have to prove it....but how? She is overseas. Can anyone straighten me out? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, zahiri34  +, writes (8 December 2008):
you are not the first or the last person who goes through these kind of problems, life sometimes goes though rough time!, think about the following steps if you are sure about your feeling toword this woman:
First if there any chance to go see here and have a deep conversation with her, and see what really make her unhappy
second, see if you can save yourlove or your rolationship with her
third, i know you that you have a sone with her, show her how much you love both of them, show her that you are welling to change yourself to the best!
fourth, don't force her to something that she does not like it
fifth, let her know that there is a way out for both of you and people always can move on and do better
sixth, don't be a hopeless, and try couple time before jombing to the conculsion.
seventh, let her make her own decision, and let her know that she's always has a choice.
eight, remember that you are something and you can make something happen, and no matter what we can make the different in our life.
ninth, think about this quote "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"
Eden Ahbez
tenth,and finally if the things doesn't work for you, learn from it and move on.
wishing the besst!
yours Ali
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2006): Dude, read Scott Haltzman the secrets of a happily married men. If he doesn't nail it, he seems to get close. Also I listen to this doc love and listen to his archives. Men do need help cuz I think the women get the lions share. Good luck
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2006): If she got fat after having the baby tell her to lose some weight. Give her a pocket mirror and tell her to look at it for answers and quit blaming you for her misery.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2006): you should go to her and gve her flowers and buy her gifts then you should tell her that you never ment to hurt her
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (8 January 2006):
As far as I see, you don't have to prove anything! Look at the way she treats you and makes you feel? Its horrible. She name calls you now thats just plain immature and petty, she has unrealistic expectations of you, she banned your son from seing there family, she points out your weaknesses and doesn't be supportive and encourage to help you, and she makes threats.
Then she complains that she is 'bored'. Well maybe she is, maybe that is why she has made up all these 'issues' with your realtionship. People do do that, so maybe thats why.
But either way, I really have to wonder what makes you want to stay with her? Is it because you love her? Let me ask you this d you love that way she makes you feel like you aren't good enough? the way that she hurts your feelings by putting you down? the way she insults you and says her life is boring? Those aren't signs that you should love someone, they are sings that you shoudlnt be with her!
And despite all that, if you love her, that doesnt mean you 2 should 'be together', people can love each other yet juyst cant stand there guts so they rpobably wouldnt be suited ot marry each other and live together.
If you want whats best for your child, that doesnt mean you have to 'make this marriage work', because it might not work, if you stick with a partner who you are not happy with due to her constant high expectations and put downs, and she who is not happy, then he won't grow up in a happy home will he. And sure you could try to hide it, yet kids are smarter then you think he will sense it. Save this kid and either fix the marriage with amrriage cousnelling or get out of it.
I hope you work this out and good luck :)
Also I really do think she is being un reasonable. You could do better.
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reader, flipdrew +, writes (8 January 2006):
 I'm sorry to say, but, from what I read, It doesn't sound like you're the problem. That means one of two things. Either (A)you are the problem and can't face it and own up to your shortcomings or (B) She is completely unreasonable. I think that this situation is better meant for a marriage counselor (if you really want to save the marrage) to sort out who is the cause of what problems and how they can be solved. You're in too deep for a bunch of people with a some extra time on their hands and no counselor training to coach your marrage over the internet when they can't see the whole situation. The problems need to be resolved and the cost of a marrage counselor is a low price to pay to save your marrage and ensure that your child gets the opportunity to grow up in a two-parent home. If you are a real dad, you will do anything in your power to give your child the best upbringing possible...that includes swallowing your pride and seeing a professional to mend a tattered marrage.
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