A
male
age
41-50,
*opeless guy
writes:Hi im new here..and i got nowhere to go except to come here to look for answer..i am a singaporean and my ex was indonesian chinese. we have a long dist. relationship which i will frequently travel to indon for every 2 to 3 months.i and my ex gf been togather for 8 months before she finally cheated on me..Before all this happened, we have a brief period of staying togather for roughly 1 month before she flew back to her own country..i love her so much and practically my whole life was depend on her..always making time for her do whatever she wants to do..occasionally pointed out some of the mistakes she have done..but it minor..at least to me. i was devastated and suffer emotional breakdown when i first learn of the cheating incident. After that incident i asked her who she want to be with..and i told her to be responsible for what she had done..she say she loves that guy a lot and want to be togather with him. she says she wants to be responsible for him after she hurt me a lot..that y she couldn't hurt him again but after roughly 1 month later she broke up with him due to that man not trusting her past and guilt had been catching up on her..and the guy keep on insulting her, calling her bitch and despicable etc..while i still trying to pick myself up. All along i had been talking to her receiving emotional support from her becoz i could not stand up from my 2 feet. Heartbroken..depression kicks in and i couldn't possibly imagine a future with her becoz i was somehow obsessive by personality and beatiful looks.ok so after they both broke up..i ask her to come back to me..which she refuse. saying that she doesn't want to treat me as a subsititude just becoz her relationship with that man failed..she was working as accountant in indon and was contracted for 12 months. she says she has plan to come to sg to live with me in 1 year time and ask me to wait for her..since her cousin also coming to sg soon...she wants to be friend with me first becoz she want to use this 1 year time to heal herself and find out what she wants. she says that she lost confidence in herself and people and want to use the time to heal her body as well since she was always sick. Initially i go along with it becoz i am still carrying hope and couldn't bear not to talk to her when i feel lonely at night. and she says that she need my support sometimes when she feel lonely..that y she want to keep me as a friend first. Now all along i knew she still keep in contact with that man becoz that man is her colleague. i know that she loves him and forgive him for whatever things that he say to her. but inside my heart..i feel something is not right, i start to feel jealous when they start to flirt on fb..she never assure me of what is going on between my ex and that guy. she never told me what her status between she and him until now..she never want to explain on why when she say she hate him intially on what he say to her but still talk to him and flirt with him until i forced her to the corner to tell me..There are many times when i just ask her to give me some clarify on her status with that man so that i will not misjudge her or had any misunderstanding between us..but in the end i will get the blame on not understanding her..she always say nobody understand her feeling and her thinking. that make me feel very bad when i promise her i will try to understand her more and see from her situation. but the problem is she couldn't trust anyone in her life and she WILL not tell me her true feelings and answers me with all the questions that i had for her.i had told her on many occasions i couldn't take all these anymore, and i want to have a clean break with her once and for all. but everytime after the final break off stand, she will call me up and shower me with care. i know i am soft hearted and i tend to give her every chance when she disappointed me..i will always answer her call after a 1 week no contact period..becoz i do really miss her..the last time when i told her don't contact me anymore i made her swear in god name that whatever she is going to answer me is all going to be the truth. I ask her whether is that guy still her bf and she calmly answer no..she say that the feeling she has for him now is different from the first time they are togather..she assure me that she has plans to come to sg and plan to stay togather with me, and she will not have a boyfriend for this 1 year.My final breaking point comes after yesterday when i check on her fb(i got her passwords and she allow me to go up to her fb)i saw this msg posted by that guy he says thatlong holiday,christmas,old n new, CNY, valentine, my b'day is not a special day b'cause without u beside me"AND she replies this"But i alwys accompany u in my heart..The fate of long distance courtship ya, ?e?e?e?eI forgot to mention that guy also move around in their states...so he is not always around in the same state where my ex lives.so it is consider long dist. relation admit by my ex when she told me this the first time when their relationship was exposed.Now my first thoughts comes to my mind is..my ex definitely is still having a intimate relationship with him while she told she not..she say i am special person inside her heart and i am really different from all her ex..My questions now is judging from the msg that they posted..am i right to have this kind of thoughts when she keep on saying that i am thinking too much..and my own curiosity is killing mehow truthful is she? everytime when we quarrel over this matter regarding her and that guy, she will always cry and accuse me of not understanding her situation, she says she is tired of all this..SHe is the one that ask me to wait for her..so naturally i thought i will have the right to ask her all this right? i mean every man will have all these thoughts on their mind..but how come i can't get all these from her? and to me i feel this is quite a serious matter to me becoz i never question her whatever topics she talk to that man..i try not to become jealous when she still talk to that man..only that msg..but she is always avoiding it and say this is her own fault and not mine..so she shouldn't put all the unecessary troubles on me..i want to understand what is she thinking..is she telling the truth that she will really come sg to live with me or she still waiting for the best man to come?Man or woman...pls help me...i actually planned on having a healed period. totally no contact from her..but she say to me that she still miss me and don't want to lose me that y she still keep on calling me..
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broke up, cheated on me, confidence, cousin, ex girlfriend, flirt, heartbroken, her ex, her past, jealous, long distance, my ex, period Reply to this Question
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male
reader, hopeless guy +, writes (23 January 2012):
hopeless guy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks..I will try my best this time to avoid her..at all cost. I don't know whether can I do it..but I will try my best this time..becoz I somehow know deep inside my heart I already give up on her..I just need certain courage to make sure that I will last to the end without contacting her..
A
male
reader, eek  +, writes (23 January 2012):
 i know exactly How you feel and i know its hard. To be honest i know its hard to hear but you are better off moving on. Dont waist your life waiting for her. Ok she might be attractive my ex was too. But she is not loyal and no matter How much she re assures you it will be a constant worry in the back of your mind. Also from what you have said it sounds to me like she is still trying to be with him and using you as a "safety net" incase she does not get what she wants. Then your the back up plan.
Take some time for yourself look after yourself and when the time is right you will meet someone who is honest and will love you for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2012): Move on my friend. Clean cut. And you need to heal up as well. Cut all ties. She is just stringing you along, perhaps as one of her 'backup' plan when she arrives in SG. Time will heal.
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