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What should I do about this on/off relationship?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 August 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 13 August 2008)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid,

My boyfriend of four years just dumped me because he said he needs to "find himself". Our relationship has not been that great. He breaks up with me all the time, doesn't call me for a while and when he's ready he'll start calling and wont leave me alone until he talks to me or see me. Like a stupid girl i run back to him all the time. I think that every time he breaks up with me he fools around with other girls and when he gets bored he comes back to me.

I think this for a lot of reasons. One is whenever i am over his house he never puts his phone down he is always holding on to it, Even in the morning time when he gets up to pee he takes his phone with him. Also he is always accusing me of cheating on him not directly but he makes a lot of stupid childish remarks.

His mothers boyfriend recently passed away. The guy was like a father figure and my ex boyfriend (now) never showed any type of emotion about the whole thing. I have been trying for four years to get closer to him but he tells me he doesn't need anyone to be there for him. We have been to hell and back together and he still shuts me out. He does this to me all the time.. he leaves me and comes back when he is ready. I can't take this anymore i don't wanna feel sad and cry anymore .. how do i move .. what should i do?? please help

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008):

You need to leave him. It will hurt but think about how bad it would hurt you to continue to let him come back. It is obvious that he doesn't care about what you have together and you can't really believe that this is what a real relationship is about. Relationships are not one-sided. They involve two people and if love is only coming from one side then that person is in the relationship by themselves. If you are the only one in the relationship you should give it up. Stop trying to get him to open up and find someone who is willing to be an open book with you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008):

Sweetheart, lick your wounds, give your heart a chance to heal, and find someone who really loves you and treats you with respect. This guy has serious issues and he will never treat you right. He won't change, they never do,so the only thing you can do is change yourself.

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A male reader, fcukup Canada +, writes (12 August 2008):

you sound like a really good girl, my on/off GF seems to be putting me threw the same thing so i know how u feel when you say you keep going back for more. but she has only been doing it for about a month, and im at my wits end even though i love her.

he doesent sound stable in himself so he cant be with anyone in a normal relashionship it would seem. and if hes hooking up with other women and coming back thats a bad sign. ask urself this, would he take u back if you did the same to him? if the answer is no, he doesent love you neerly as much as you do him.

leave him is my honest opinion, it will hurt like hell and will be very hard, but ultimately after 4 years of that when is enough enough, dont give him the best years of your life.....think about it, its not like ur gonna marry the guy right(im sure after 4 years its been talked about but guys say shit they dont mean alot)?

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (12 August 2008):

Danielepew agony auntI think you should leave this man. He's no good.

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