A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I don't really know how to explain this, so I'll just jump right in.About a week ago, I met the guy one of my friends is talking to. We all hung out with some of our other friends one night. Since me and the guy(let's call him Dave) were the only ones who smoked, we got stuck together on smoke breaks and sitting in the back of the car together. We clicked instantly, which is weird for me. He's basically the male version of myself.I was ridiculously attracted to him after we met, but I would never do something to hurt my friend. I felt guilty just being attracted to him. I wanted to be his friend though.A couple days ago we decided to have a bonfire, and since my friend was working until the bonfire, Dave asked me if I wanted to hang out. I said yes of course, because I have absolutely no willpower. We went and bought everything for the bonfire and then went to hang out with my friend at work. I decided to just ignore my feelings for him because I wanted to be his best friend as lame as that sounds and because him and my friend are really cute together.That night we got very wasted, me and Dave more than anyone. When my friend passed out in the tent, we kept drinking. We were just sitting there and all the sudden he said he wanted to f**k me. I told him we couldn't because we were both very drunk and we'd regret it in the morning. He eventually won though and we slept together. When we woke up the next morning, he didn't remember anything from the night before because he was so drunk.Now, I'm the only one who knows, but I don't know what to do. Should I tell my friend about it? Should I tell Dave? Also, we didn't use protection. I'm on the pill, but that's not 100% effective. I don't want to mess anything up since this was just a drunken mistake on both our parts, but I feel like a terrible person. Any suggestion?
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at work, best friend, drunk, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2011): Hi Sweetness,
I am very sorry to hear about this, but we are humans, and subsequently prone to making mistakes. I think he remembers. No one can forget something like this.
The best thing you can do, in order to keep being a decent person, is to come clean to your friend about what happened, and tell her it happened while being drunk.
Moreover you need to realize that he has taken advantage of you; you were drunk, and you even said no. No should have been NO! He, however, insisted and took advantage of your drunken situation. This is called rape. Believe it or not but it IS rape. You should report him to the police after telling your friend what happened. This way you'll be able to live your life without the burden of guilt and of traumatic experience.
Best luck,
Emily
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): He definitely remembers. Don't fall for that. He's looking for an excuse.
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A
male
reader, Ronnie70  +, writes (26 June 2011):
 Don't kid yourself that he doesn't remember! No man I've ever met ever failed to remember getting his end away the previous night no matter how drunk he was. If he was THAT drunk he wouldn't have been able to get it up. As far as he was concerned, this was no mistake, it was a deliberate act.
The way I see it, he got you drunk and took advantage of you and your lack of willpower - or won't-power as the case may be. No point telling him - he already knows, and if you want to lose a friend, tell her, but on your own head be it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): Let me make this simple, I can't belive he doesn't remember. He's in a doing well out of this he sleeps with you then dates your friend while claiming to not remember sleeping with you, it's a free pass for him to get some strange without having to stop chasing your friend.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (26 June 2011):
i would not say anything you were both drunk and it was a mistake just make sure it doesnt happen again also you can get the morning after pill up to 72 hours later
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): This wasn't a drunken mistake. The problem is your nonexistant willpower.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): If no one remembers but you, then say nothing and learn from the mistake.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): You are not obligated to tell anyone of course, but you could tell a friend if it helps you work thinks over in your head, but that's pretty much what you're doing here.Also, you might want to tell that guy, so that he wont make the same mistake twice, tell him that he should try to find his drinking limit, and not go past it, or else he'll make stupid decisions, and other people will make stupid decisions as well.The key thing, is that you learn something from the experience, and be glad that the situation isn't any worse. Also, you should go get checked for STDs before you sleep with anyone else, since it's just healthy, and it's the safe/good thing to do. Just in case he's done something like this before.Don't worry too much though, again, the key thing is that it's a learning experience. If you don't learn anything from this, it will truly be a mistake. This mistake could possibly save you from a worse mistake, if you act more carefully from this point on.You're a good person. Go get a check up. Tell that guy what mistake he made, so that he can learn too. And continue to live a happy life.-Andrew
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): He remembers, even though he was so drunk, be sure that he does! But it’s better to pretend that he doesn’t! Just leave it like that and move on, never mention that and assume it has vever happened, if you say something the damage is more than the benefit but learn a lesson for the next time. When you see the temptation is there do not get drunk and cheat on your friend!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): hey there is nothing like he cant remember anything. Honestly everyone remembers everything how much ever they drink. I have drunk so much and had passed out. But every single time i remember eveything till almost i passout. To f*** he need to be in his senses to get erect. He is conveniently using his drunken state to say that he doesnt remember. Dont buy that. Either he is interested in you and hiding or he took advantage of you. either ways clarify with him with a strong stand that he will remember. If he still lies to you then you know what happened. If he liked you he will tell the truth ! Good luck.
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