A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Alright, I don't know what to think here. I'll make it short, but I dated this guy and things just did not work out for several reasons, but we're still attracted to each other and have remained great friends since our break up. He calls me his 'bestie' jokingly and we talk every day. We don't hang out much, but when we do we cuddle and kiss, sometimes do more and are completely comfortable with each other. I'm okay with this arrangement, just fooling around when we see each other but not anything serious. A friend of mine who I had lost touch with for a few months has started talking to me again and when I told her about this she was appalled and said 'How could you? You're way too good for that.' I really appreciate her concern, but it's not like I'm hopelessly pining after this guy. We're just casual, I guess. Should I feel bad for this? I don't feel bad about it, except whenever she says that. Then I start feeling really cheap. I try rationalizing it in my head but her horrified response really messed with my head. Opinions? Anything?
View related questions:
cheap Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (26 June 2011):
i would do what feels right for you if your happy with the arrangment then carry on but if not deep down stop doing it every woman deserves better than this you are being used i have been in the same situation goodluck
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 June 2011):
 If the occasional comment of your friend is enough to make you feel bad about your arrangement, maybe deep down you aren't really really so happy or convinced about it.
If someone tells me I am stupid, I'll laugh in his face, because I KNOW I am not. I have no doubts. If they tell me I'm fat, it bothers me- because yes I know I am not fat ,.. but, uhm,well, maybe, I could afford to loose 5 or 10 pounds ...
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (26 June 2011):
 if you're happy and he's happy...who cares?? as long as no one is getting hurt. nothing to feel bad about whatsoever.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): so basically you and him are "friends with benefits". if it's your choice to do this, then don't let your friend's response rattle you. trust your own instincts - just because she wouldn't do it doesn't mean it's the truth for you too. she probably thinks he's using you for sex, but in reality you're getting something out of it equally too, right? so if it's what you want, then don't let your friend's opinion make you doubt yourself. she probably has no concept of it because she's not been in this kind of relationship herself.but be aware that friends-with-benefits relationships are very tricky, often lead to a lot of misunderstandings, and usually lead to heartbreak. It sounds good in concept but human nature being what it is, it's really hard not to get emotionally invested. then eventually one or both of you gets hurt.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): I'm a guy, and I've had a few friends with benefits. They've wanted to fool around, and I've let them, but being the guy, the blame gets put on me, and people think I'm taking advantage of them or something. Anyways, I've been in them before, and i know they can get weird or awkward over time, or sometimes they work out perfectly fine. The key is to know where it's going, and to know if you are comfortable with it or not. Some people wont like what you're doing, some people will be fine with it, and others will cheer you on. In the end, do whatever you want to do, your feelings should be based on your own moral standards.In my opinion, it's fine, but i find that over time, someone starts to fall in love, and someone else falls out of attraction, so things get awkward.Feel it out, do what your morals tell you. and if you ever get weird vibes from the guy, talk to him and ask him how he feels about you and the close but not too close relationship you two have.Good luck with things.-Andrew
...............................
|
