A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been dating this guy for about 5 months now and here it comes.. hes 18.. im 14 . yes i know thats a big age gap but i really love him ..Everything has been great so far but lately we have been talking about sex alot (i have a extremely perverted mind ). Lately he has started kissing and bitting me on my collarbone. I dunno what i should do if it comes to the point that he wants to have sex. I dont wanna have sex, im to young and im scared. I'm scarred that if i tell him that he might break up with me. He tells me he loves me but lately ive been having my doubts. My previous boyfriend also said he loved me but only wanted to use me... what should i do??
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male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (13 February 2008):
 Hey - thanks for your update. Well done. Strong girl.This is good for you in so many ways, not just sex/morals. You are earning respect.You will develop confidence.You will learn more about people in general. You will know understand more about what is possible.Your value in your boyfrnds eyes just went up. You are now more precious. More valuable. More worth working hard for.It's so easy and weak to give in. So hard yet strong to respect yourself.Very well done. Richard
A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (13 February 2008):
 hey honey!
i read your followup.
well done! im so glad you told him the truth. and now you've found out that he genuinely cares about you.
take care :)
xox
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): People like to say "age doesn't matter" . . .Well, issues like this are exactly why age sometimes really does matter. I think you should not be doing anything with this guy that you wouldn't be willing to do with another guy your own age. I'm not trying to scold and preach at you. But I'm just telling you what you will probably wish you had done looking back a few years from now. Most of all the girls/women I have ever known who had sex before they were about 16-19 years old have said they regret doing it so early.
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A
female
reader, Crazy-Candice +, writes (12 February 2008):
 i agree with what everyone is saying....... just explain nicely to him that you aren't fully ready for sex.....
he might ask for a blow job or hand job instead so you might have to ask yourself if youre ready for that either.
if he demands or threatens, don't give in..... if he really likes/loves you he can wait.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell it came to the point where he asked me to have sex.
I said no. Im to young and im scared.
He said: "If your not ready I wont presure you, I love you and I will wait forever if thats what it takes."
Then he made the stupid joke: "R u ready now, just kidding"
"how about now"(so i smacked him :D)
Soo tnx! to all of you that helped.
I guess he really is a really good guy. I love him soo much
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A
male
reader, Moviefan  +, writes (11 February 2008):
 Just tell him that you feel like you are not ready and feel to young and if he says thats ok and stops there and doesnt pressure you for sex or force it on you in anyway then you have a keeper. But if he keeps pressuring you or breaks up with you, then you should get out or move on and find someone else, there are a lot of fish in the sea. And there are plenty of guys who would wait for you even if it made them so sexually frustrated by the time things do happen they just snap and are crazy ready to do it.
But thats better then being pressured or used. And is kind of funny to see someone who sexually frustrated lol, im like that occasionally. But i havent ever pressured anyone for sex, ironic part is i was pressured by my ex for sex, didnt care for that so much and she eventually stoped after i made it clear nothing was going to happen for a while.
Just dont be afraid to get out!
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (11 February 2008):
 That's what he has his hand for.
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A
female
reader, M! +, writes (11 February 2008):
 If he truely loves you like he says he does then he will wait until you're ready.
If you say yes and go along just to please him, then he'll probably end up using you and move on. And I really don't want that to happen to you.
Don't be scared of losing him. If he leaves you just remember there are tons of better guys out there just waiting for you. Guys who will treat you nicely and make you feel important.
You don't need sex to feel important.
Do it when your truely ready.
Dont give in just to make him happy.
I hope things work out for the best.
love, M!
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A
female
reader, scythe +, writes (11 February 2008):
Honey, I've been there too and the only thing you can do is be honest. Tell him that you feel you are too young and are scared to have sex. Tell him no. Then see what he thinks. I know you are afraid of losing him, but I'm going to tell you something you don't want to hear - if he dumps you over this then he didn't care about you, and believe me, you don't want to be with a guy who doesn't repect your decisions and beliefs.
However, if he says that he understands, then you've found yourself a brilliant guy. This topic is a test in relationships. Please don't lower your standards just to please him, and please don't do anything you are not comfortable with.
Take care
Scythe
xox
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (11 February 2008):
 Don't. Let him go, please.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (11 February 2008):
Stick to what you want - which is you don't feel ready.
It's a good test. If you tell him NO. If he does love you he'll stay, if he doesn't love you, he'll go.
If you give in and say YES, if he does love you he'll stay and he doesn't love you, mission accomplished and he'll go. This is what you might call a bad test.
Take care, Richard
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