A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts, I have just discovered that my husband has had a 'relationship' with a co-worker. I found out from phone bills, texting and calls. He swears that it was not physical but I also know that he bought her some jewellery (a heart pendant) and maybe other stuff for all I know. I am beside myself with grief as I thought we had a wonderful marriage. He is playing the innocent saying that she needed 'cheering up' because of health problems and they were quite close due to work issues and she confided in him and he felt sorry for her. I know in my heart that this is bullsh*t. I can't think of any innocent explanation for doing this for another woman when you are in a committed relationship. Can anyone out there offer a rational explanation that would not include sex or an emotional bond? I don't think so but am hoping against hope that someone, in particular male, could explain how my fella would want to do this if he wasn't cheating. Thanks x
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female
reader, KQM  +, writes (13 November 2009):
 Hi, 2 years ago at Xmas my daughter caught my husband having an affair with a employee at his office. I found many emails of a sexual nature and email plans to go away together for dirty weekends etc. Our family went through hell and for a very long time things were really bad. He refused to go to counseling and maintains his innocence till this day. He says all he did was kiss her and have this email correspondence. He "swears it was not physical" He said he loved me and the kids and begged us to stay, said it would never happen again and does not believe that he did much of anything wrong. We have been married for 18 yrs and have 3 girls. I have really struggled with this and up until recently thought I had forgiven him and worked things out.Right now I feel dead inside and I realize that its not over and I haven't forgiven him.The question you should be asking yourself is not "how could he do this, or why or offer a rational explanation for his behavior. The question is - do you forgive him and stay or do you leave him??? I thought I could stay, but now 2 years down the line I realize I should of left him in the heat of the situation. Now I am finding it hard to justify leaving him, but I don't love him anymore and our life is a joke. There is no passion, no relationship. its pecks on the cheek. We have had sex twice since it happened. We are two people living in the same house putting on an act fooling ourselves and everyone else. I am so dead inside and so in need of desire and passion in my life...I want to be wanted.......dont let this happen to you!I believe where there is smoke there is fire, I think that my husband and yours had a physical relationship with the other woman, through stupidity. By being drawn in to the "help me I am a poor little girl who cant do anything on my own" scenario.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): Gina, I have tried asking and it usually leads to an argument. He maintains it was just a 'friendly gesture' and says if I won't believe him 'think the worst and deal with it'.I know this is crap and I look like a doormat but he knows I don't want to lose him. Actually, though, he doesn't want to lose me. Without looking big headed, he's got the better deal. Everyone says I'm much better looking and more attractive than him and he's the one with more to lose.
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A
female
reader, eve567  +, writes (11 November 2009):
Well my husband did about the same thing.I new he was talking to this other lady and he would tell me.Ha,Ha she was married and she left town and I fond her address in his things.Well He told me he felt sorry for her.Well I just couldnt take any more and left him. Well he wanted me back and I missist him so much and I got back with him.Now he calls other ladys on his cell.Iam done with him I cant change him so Iam letting him go for good. And did you know some thing he told me he didnt think he was doing wrong isnt it funny he hid her address and he thinks he is hinding his phone call.Iam going to be the winner at the end.So what ever you do dont put your self throw all that I would just get things togather and say good bye to him.He will never change.Please think about your self!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): Thank you Aunts, In the light of your replies so far I really don't know what to do. I can't contemplate leaving him as he is my one true love BUT you have given me such food for thought. Am I a naive little idiot who should bin him now? I know that I know him better than anyone out there but love is blind and many of you may be able to see our situation for what it is.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): CaringGuy is right in a way. Your husband may just be really naive and absent minded. That'a bad becuz he can get suckered in to doing favors for this woman and she may even lure him into bed!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (10 November 2009):
 Unless you guys are very wealthy, I cannot imagine any other situation for a married man providing a coworker jewelry and other goodies than sexual favors or a deeper relationship. Even if I was filthy rich, I would not help an employee or coworker with such favors without openly sharing the philanthropy with my mate if I were married.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (10 November 2009):
Follow your heart, because like you said, you know in your heart that it's BS. What man buys jewelry for someone he's NOT romantically involved with besides for maybe his mother, sister, or grandmother? I know I've certainly never had a man who was just my friend buy me jewelry...let alone a heart pendant. I'm sorry, but he's lying to you :(
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 November 2009):
He had an emotional affair with this woman, where nothing physical happens, but all the emotions are there. Guys don't do this if they're committed. He might be right, maybe she did need cheering up and he ended up being sucked in by her. It was cheating in a way, so I would suggest that you both get counselling to work out why he felt the need to get closer to her.
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