A
female
age
51-59,
* Worried Married Woman
writes:I've been married for 1 year but with this man for 6 years. Before we got married any woman would have wanted him, strong, smart, handy, a great lover, a good friend, I can go on , but I will stop there because it all was a bunch of bull sh!t. Maybe a month or so after we said our I DO's, This man started tripping. Witholding sex, when I say something about it he would jump all over me saying what you think I supposed to be all over you or we just had sex last week etc. He has become controlling, direspectful to me and my kids, lying, keeping secrets. Oh my GOD. I knew he did not have great credit, but he said it was ok/good. Came to find out he owed a lot of money to the IRS, his credit score is below the score you get for bad. He talks to me with such direspect and anger when I do not do exactly what he says or if my yougest daughter talks when he do not want to be bothered. Sometimes I feel my husband is on the downlow and only married me to cover it up. I get a vibe, I watch how he looks at men when we're out. What man stares at another man with passion in his eyes? He very seldom wants to have sex with me, he is very unpredictable when it comes to our marriage. He has told me so many times, he doos not care about how I feel, what I want or what I say. I feel betrayed, disrespected, and hurt. I have always been a strong woman, and a great mother, did everything for my kids and took care of us by myself. Than this happens, it seems like my life has turned upside down. He has know gotton to the point where he threatens me with physycal harm. I have lost any respect I ever had for him. I know you may say leave him. I will but I am not financially stable enough right now and he knows that. Sometimes I think this is a bad dream and I need to wake the hell up, but this is my realty. I knew I married the man of my dreams, but all the time I married selfish, evil, devil. We all need to be careful what we wish and pray for, because it just may not be what we need.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): Babe, you have to think of it this way... the only thing worst than being involved with this guy for 6 years, is being involved with him for 6 years and a day. You know its not going to get better in year 7, 8, etc. Re-claim yourself, save your funds, open your own banking account that he doesn't know about if you have to, and then get the hell out of there.
A
female
reader, A Worried Married Woman +, writes (30 January 2009):
A Worried Married Woman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I am married to a complete stranger and a different man. And it scares the hell out of me. Sometimes, I think he is married just to cover up what type of man he really is, it did not use to be this way. I swear it was great. I keep asking myself what the hell happen to us. It's like this. He got me in a position where he feels he has financial control. And it has been times where he told me I can leave, but see my pride is whats on the line here. He know I will never go back and live with my mom. I moved out my mothers house and has been on my own raising my two kids by myself for 18 years. My oldest daughter is a sophomore in college. Then I married this jack AS$. I know I have to make some strong decisions really soon.How could a man be so cold to the woman the loves him the most........(tears).....Somebody help me try to understand this.I went to a funeral today. My youngest daughters great grandfather on her dad side. Could you believe he was married to the same woman for 62 years. And I truly can not her adhere the pain she feels. But 62 years. That is beautiful. Sh1t I can not make it past one year with out it falling apart. It hurts to the point I can not find the words to tell you how bad. But, I know this to shall pass. And I have to keep telling myself. "WHO AM I TO FIGHT MY GODS WILL" and I say this is not my GOD this is the devil working on my AS$. and I AM NOT GOING TO LET HIM WIN. I have two choices I can fight for my marriage or I can move on. But I don't want to walk away with any regrets. No one said marriage was easy, but damn it shouldn't be this bad. To look into the eyes of a man that promise to love and protect me and the family we have together for the rest of our lives. To act and say such hateful things, to bring out the ugliest side of me. It's a painful thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): Then I misjudged you and your situation. I once heard, if after you marry and he makes a Complete personality change, then you made vows to a Different man. Do you understand? You didn't make vows to this 'stranger'. If a marriage is based on a lie, then how can it be a valid marriage? Yet again, did you chose to ignore the man he Really was during the dating process? I suggest talking to a wise christian woman at your church, to give you perspective.
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A
female
reader, A Worried Married Woman +, writes (29 January 2009):
A Worried Married Woman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your reply's. But I must answer to the woman that stated that I was negative. I truly appreciate your opinion on this matter, but let me make something clear. I have never made this man feel less than a man. I have never threw in his face about his past or his past dues. What you said, I swear my hand to the almighty I have tried all of that. Before we got married it was great, and no he was not perfect, niether was I, so was I not suppose to marry him? And I do take responsibilty for my choices, And maybe I found this website for some other outlook and opions on my marriage. Have you ever tried to constantly trying to sit down and talk to a man about your problems or concerns and being told I do not care how you feel, you are my property and what i say goes. Yeah you keep thinking its me, if you want. but I have tried suggesting counceling, he want go. And as far as the money goes, yeah in the begining that was my suggestion and yes he aggrees but did not follow threw. Tell me why do you think he has his paystub and bank statement going to his mothers house, why did we open a joint checking and savings account he never put money in to save and only the exact dollar amount to pay each bill. He told me how he likes to save, but once we got married I realize he do like to save, How would you feel if your family had bill that your husband felt he could pay later once we take a trip. No see that's his problem he never paid his bills but he took those nice vacations, and thats not me I can pay my bills and tack a trip later and yes I have spoke with him about that too, he do not care. Yes I tried and wanted to do those thinks for him and with him. But if the mother fu(ker keep saying and acting the way he has been. Girl if you was a fly on my wall, you would get where I am coming from. And last, as far as the complements and encourgenments are concerned, peoms written by me, cards, hugs( which he told me one time i do not need a hug that often)but you think I shoud keep huging him huh. back rubs, blow jobs, foot messages etc. Oh I can go on, so yes I do know how to cherish and love my man. But he don't deserve that anymore. My husband has mistaken my kindness for weekness. But I am not built that way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): I know you're a grown woman....but even if I was your age my mum would always let me come home 'til I got back up on my feet....
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A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (29 January 2009):
 You should end this relationship as soon as possible in my opinion because he obviously does not love you from what I gather from your post. I believe he has also pronounced homersexual tendancies. He seems that he has past all limits allready.
YOU SHOULD LEAVE HIM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BEFORE HE DOES SOME HARM TO YOU !.
Take care!
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A
male
reader, cdjudd +, writes (29 January 2009):
Well, since you are already thinking that he may be gay, this is not making this any easier. If you honestly think he is gay, file for divorce. As this will damage your daughter if she was to get older and if it was to escalate. The fact is he played it cool and now he is showing his true colors. Based off of similar experiences I have had. It is only the beginning of a roller coaster. Everyone has the right to be happy and this SHOULD be the happiest time of your life. I would address his immature behavior and tell him to deal with it tactfully, as an adult. You do not have to deal with this, neither should your daughter have to. Just don't let it drag out and let him manipulate you. I made that mistake for 3 years and ended up numb. For your well being you might want to consider making sure he is not gaving an affair. best of luck to you and your daughter.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): There are usually signs of deceit when dating. Things that don't quite add up. Many times a woman in love ignores these signs and goes into denial. Rose colored glasses cliche.
You need to take responsibility for the choice you made, and stop being so negative. Negativity shuts a man down. You know the truth now, what can you do to make this marriage work. one solution at a time. If he doesn't manage money well, then that area you will need to take over. What are his skills/talents? He gets those responsibilites and you should give him sincere compliments to encourage him. It will come back to you too! Life is 10% what happens to us, 90% attitude.
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