A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I know people lie. I know I tell a little lie at least every day whether it is i try not to but it happens.Now my question is what kinds of lies would you tolerate in a relationship. For example, a girl I have been seeing lies to me sometimes when she doesnt want to meet with me. She will tell me has something to do or she deosnt feel well. I have found out repeatedly that this is not the case and she sometimes apologizes, but keeps doing it. I dont think she is cheating, but her lying bothers me.Would that bother you? If you dont feel like seeing someone and you lie about it, is it a big deal if you are not cheating? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2011):
 You know what, if she's looking for ways to avoid your company, I'd take that as a sign she's not the one for you. I agree with the distancing thing, but rather than just letting it fizzle out, why not be upfront with her and let her know why you are no longer interested in dating her. You dislike her lying to you directly, why lie to her by omission?"Michele, I have enjoyed our dates but I've decided that this isn't really working for me. I dislike being lied to and there have been enough of those types of lies that I just don't feel there's something to work on. I wish you well in life and I hope you find the guy who will make you happy. Thanks for the good times we've had."
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (4 June 2011):
 You know what, her lying when she doesn't even need to (To protect herself, or to pull a big one over on you) is a function of her character, which is generally unchangeable, or is an indication of who she really is...so think long and hard about your life being affected in this way going forward.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): that does make me mad. I am kind of i that situation, and it stinks..But if she lies about the little things that don't even matter that I feelis not alright..bt coul be worse. :) I am sure she isnt cheatin and everybody DOES lie. How about you act lie she does and lie about little things and see how she feels about and ell her that THAT is how youfeel when she lies to you. It hurts and it makes you think. I hope i helped :) good luck and go with your instinct.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers. some poeple asked about why I dont confront it with her. Like I wrote, I DID confront it with her! But she apologizes...and then does it again! She just has no problem with it. And yeah, it drives me CRAZY!!!
Tisha-1 asked if I freak out if she cancels on me. I told her over and over if she does not want to meet on a certain day then thats fine but just give me advance warning. But she keeps lying. As to how I found out, its easy because her excuses are lame. Like she says she broke her heel and needs to get it fixed. I say that I can drive her to do that, and then she backtracks and says well she has some extra work to do. Then if I question that, she will get all angry and defensive and then the lie comes out.
I think she lies because...she just likes to lie. There are some people like that you know. It's beginning to seem like a form of contempt or manipulation and I am distancing myself from her....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): Hi
I think it is a massive deal, a liar is a weak character. If someone can lie so easy and over trivia, wait for the whoppers to start. I would say goodbye, and i am not lying.
spunky monkey
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): Some lies are ok I believe it depends on the reason they are spitting out the lie in the first place. I hate when people lie to hurt other people, thats unacceptable. Some people lie to spare someones feelings....that's alright in my book in most cases. Some lie to make themselves appear different than the reality. That one is a case by case basis. For example my man lied to me when he first met me telling me he had a job, and although he admitted he did some time in prison, he told me he had been out for almost a year. I found out after I had been dating him for 2 months that he had only been out of prison for 46 days before he met me, He then admitted that he didnt have a job when he first met me either. **THE PROBLEM WITH LIES is that one lie leads to another, and another, and another!! I had asked my boyfriend to stop at the store and grab me ciggerettes on his way over to my house (we were staying in and watching a movie) He didn't have any money because he was unemployed and had already spent his lil bits of money on our first few dates. Rathar than tell me he had no money and come to get money frome me and then go to the store, he sat on his bed for hours, upset, feeling like a bum, wouldn't answer the phone or anything. I was so upset because last I heard was he was on his way. He finally called telling me he was pulled over and arrested for a ticket he didnt even know existed, car impounded and everything. He was too embarrassed to tell me the truth and says he liked me so much and couldn't believe a girl like me was giving him a chance in the first place....he didnt want to screw it up- craziest part about it, the lying almost broke us up for good, and it broke us up for a few days. No one feels good when they are lied to, no matter what the reason is......so i say try to avoid it at all costs, but if you are lied to the reason they did it comes into play when decieding whether or not the lie is forgivable. Good luck....I'd take the other's advice in regards to talking it out with her for sure!!
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female
reader, notsoluckyinluv +, writes (3 June 2011):
It sounds like she might like the attention she gets from you, but isn't that into you. It's a selfish reason and usually people that lie only think of themselves anyway, My boyfriend is a chronic liar. It hurts, I don't trust him anymore. Stop seeing her and she will get it. Don't keeping getting walked on, because people like that will do it no matter what, they have boundries of other people's feelings. Stay true to you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): Personally, I wouldn't confront her about it, but I wouldn't consider her to have any potential in terms of a long term relationship. If she lies about that sort of thing, you will always wonder what else she is lying about it. If you were to get serious with her, it would eventually drive you crazy.
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (3 June 2011):
 That is called avoidance.
If it really bothers you-talk to her about it.
Unless she changes or you accept her reasoning behind it, it will only become a bigger issue.
People who have nothing to hide-hide nothing.
Best Wishes.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2011):
And just out of curiousity, how do you find out she lied to you? Just wondering....
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2011):
I guess I'd want to understand this woman's motivation for lying. She could be lying because she's a congenital liar and lies just because. For no reason. She could be lying because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, and thinks that telling you she's washing her hair instead of telling you the truth, that she doesn't feel like going out with you that day. Or she could be lying because she really isn't that into you and simply doesn't know how to get out of it otherwise.
If it bothers you, and she knows it but continues to do it, then you have a problem. It IS a big deal to you if it keeps happening.
Do you freak out and get weird with her if she says she doesn't want to go out because she just doesn't want to go out that day? Is this some kind of reaction to your reactions? Have you somehow trained her to do this lying thing? Do you hassle her until she agrees to go out? If not, then, again, I'd say there's a problem here. I guess a good old-fashioned heart-to-heart would be in order in that case. Good luck with it! Let us know how it goes.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 June 2011):
 after being married to a chronic liar, I accept NO LIES
sorry.
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Hmmm.. well usually when people make up a lie about meeting up with you, there's something else going on.
Have you asked her why she's repeatedly lying?
When I was seeing this guy, I did lie once in order to get out of seeing him. The reason was because I found out at the last minute that he wouldn't be picking me up from my house, instead I'd have meet him there at the spot and have to get home from an unknown area at around midnight, which I was not looking forward to at all... so I felt like it was justified lol.
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (3 June 2011):
Do these jeans make me look fat, No. Does my hair need to be styled, No, it's fine....those are little white lies.
I don't like liars for any reason as it just undermines trust. Talk to her and tell her that you won't be hurt or mad if she doesn't feel like seeing you, that you don't want lies and excuses, that if she just needs some Me time or some girl time, to please just tell you the truth.
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Any lie is a big deal as far as being in a relationship is concerned. Relationships ....at least good ones are based on honesty...and if you don't have that then..what is your relationship based on. You need to ask yourself....if she lied about not wanting to see me....what else has she lied about. Does this seem to be happening all the time??
Both of you need to sit down and find out why she lies about things like that...of course it must bother you, it is a form of dishonesty and affects the trust of a relationship.
Sit with her, talk to her and tell her her lying bothers you...in the end, you need to make a decision about whether you are okay with that or not.
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