A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm so frustrated! What is wrong with my boyfriend? He likes to be on the phone with me but has nothing to say. It will literally be silent for half an hour and it annoys me so much to hold the phone and listen to dead air like that. When I try to make conversation he would either not answer or sound totally phased out. We can only have normal conversation during the initial 2-3 minutes of the call then it dies - like dead silence. Or if he is talking about himself or his troubles then he will talk a little longer.. but it always ends in long periods of silence. I'm soooooooo bored and sick and tired of talking to him on the phone. Plus, we don't talk all day either.. only before bedtime at night.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 March 2017):
 Do you see each other in person a lot? Or is this relationship mainly based over the phone?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 March 2017):
 Maybe after 3 years of constant talking and constant texting he is a bit talked out... When you see each other in person, you can interval long conversations with
" companionable silence ", but, as you have noticed, for some reasons companionable silence works best in person, on the phone not so much, at least for some people ( I hear you. It would drive me nuts ! ).
I don't quite understand the problem, though. Can't you simply tell him ? Nicely, kindly, not confontationally, but tell him ? that what works for him , ( maybe it relaxes him, it soothes him or whatnot ) does not work for you and it makes you frustrated and aggravated . You are wired that phone is for actually talking, and a mute
" conversation " does nothing for you. You don't have to enjoy all the same things he does , including communication mode and levels, and you do not have to do everything he wants just because HE wants it. On some things, you can agree to disagree, without this having to break the harmony of your couple. Maybe , like in everything, you could work out a compromise, like , you can stay on a silent phone for 15 minutes to sort of keep him company and then you'll hang up. But you should not feel obliged or BE obliged to humour him up in everything, including things that to you ( and to most people ) seem a ridiculous waste of time ,like long silent phone calls .
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 March 2017):
 Maybe he wants to move in with you? Appears he really enjoy the sound of your breath before bedtime, or just knowing you are "near". After 3 years, do you know where this relationship is heading?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2017): I'm the OP - ever since we've started dating 3+ years ago we've always talked on the phone at night before going to bed. He used to have A LOT of things to say and during the first year or so of our relationship we'd often talk for 4-5 hours minimum every night. So, we both do enjoy talking on the phone. He also enjoys texting as we still exchange multiple text messages during the day while at work... asking how my day is going, what I'm having for lunch, what time I'll be getting off work, etc.It's just about a year ago our good night calls have frequently been dead silence. I tell him that since we don't have much to say why don't we just go to sleep but he is the one to insist that it's ok to be on the phone and have nothing to say as long as we're spending time together. So I compromise and stay on the phone, but it frusrates me so badly!!We're fine in person.. there are times where we can sit in silence next to each other doing our own thing and times where we are talking endlessly. No issues there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2017): Do you get the feeling he may be checking up on you, making sure no one else is there with you. He may be trying to listen in. Why don't you just say 'ok I will speak to you tomorrow' then put the phone down once the conversation has ended.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (12 March 2017):
 Surely you're not seriously on the phone for half an hour in silence...what a waste of both of your time if you do. Why would you even want to be on the phone for that long? All you need is a 5 minute catch up and surely that is enough.
Do you KNOW for certain he likes being on the phone? I absolutely hate phone calls and stick to texting. I very rarely even answer the phone to my friends and your boyfriend may be the same.
Stop trying to force a long phone call as there is really no need, say what you need to and leave it at that.
If he's the same in person, THEN you may have a problem and need to assess whether this guy is for you or not.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (12 March 2017):
 Not everyone can talk a lot on the phone. Half an hour may just be too much. Talk for as long as there's stuff to talk about, then say goodnight. If, after a couple of weeks of that, it's still not enough for you, then leave.There's nothing "wrong" with him - you just may not be compatible.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 March 2017):
 Perhaps by the time he phones you he is really tired and his brain just wants to switch off? Can you try having your phone call a bit earlier in the evening to see if it makes any difference?
Half an hour phone call every night does seem quite excessive. Why not go for quality rather than quantity. Make the phone call as long as there is something to talk about, then say "night night" and go.
Do you two talk freely when you meet face to face, or is he just one of those blokes whose conversational skills are lacking? If you find his lack of conversation frustrating already, then there is no long term outlook for you. Give it some thought.
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